What is it about kids that makes them seem like little magnets for dirt and danger? The older I get, the more I realize that children are all clinically insane.
They're like little Tasmanian Devil tornadoes of mischief, boogers, and bad decisions. It's no wonder our parents had so many rules for us when we were growing up. It's no wonder that they were so overprotective. They were just trying to keep us from doing something stupid and killing ourselves.
Whether or not you have children of your own, you've probably had at least some experience with toddlers and kids, so you know this is true. And maybe someday if we do have kids, it'll be our turn to bite our nails and panic over every little thing they do, just like our parents did.
Then again, maybe it's okay to loosen the reins a little bit. After all, we survived plenty of dumb and dangerous stuff when we were young.
- Jumping off the swings at the highest height we could.
- Eating dirt and pebbles.
- Sticking foreign objects up our nose.
- Getting foreign objects stuck inside our nose.
- Ingesting glue.
- Eating truly disgusting concoctions of food, like ketchup and potato chips or Cheez-Its dunked in frosting.
- Riding our bike without helmets and pads. (Don't tell my parents!)
- Riding or walking over to a friend's house...
- At night...
- Without a cell phone...
- Staying out all day with no sunscreen.
- Climbing all over the furniture to try to get at stuff we couldn't reach.
- Sliding down the banister.
- Sledding down the stairs. (You can thank Home Alone for that terrible idea.)
- Playing with matches.
- Sticking stuff in the fireplace.
- Licking our fingers and pinching the flame to try and extinguish birthday candles.
- Basically turning into a complete moron anytime we were presented with an open flame.
- Sticking things into electrical outlets.
- Draping stuff over lamps even though Mom and Dad told us it might start a fire.
- Forgetting to lock the front door all the time.
- Talking to the occasional stranger.
- Going up to pet strange dogs.
- Trying to fly by jumping off the roof with cardboard wings strapped to our arms. (Yes, this really happens!)
- Performing stunts on the trampoline that the safety manual specifically says not to do.
- Trying to bounce your friend off the trampoline, sending them ricocheting in the bush.
- Whacking each other with sticks as some form of play.
- Running near the pool.
- Swimming immediately after eating.
- Engaging in horseplay at the pool.
- Diving where it says not to dive.
- Forgetting to brush our teeth before bed.
- And sometimes forgetting to brush our teeth in the morning, too.
- Forgetting to floss...ever.
- Continuing to badger Mom even after she's already indicated that she's not in the best mood.
- Running with scissors. That too.