"No, I didn't give you the gift of life. Life gave me the gift of you." -Unknown
Every step in this journey is not easy. Nor is this something that many people experience or acknowledge. It can eat some people up inside when the love of their life has already done the most intimate moments of life with someone else.
I guarantee you, this single thought will break your heart but to have a healthy relationship you have to overcome it.
Life is not perfect, you are not perfect, and neither is your partner. Sometimes, it won't seem fair; why wasn't this reserved for you? You cannot hang yourself up on these thoughts, or this relationship will never work out. It takes time but everything works out for a reason.
The child is the most single most important person in your relationship, and the child's welfare is the most important. You will struggle, but you start to realize that no matter what it's' your and the child's parents job to never see the child struggle.
1. Say Goodbye to Solitude. Remember that time you were single and you had all that free time? Not anymore. You're sacrificing your past so you can give this child a better future.
2. Rid Yourself of Drama. No matter the drama that enters your life the single most important thing you can do is never let the child see it.
You are the adult, and you start to grow up when you realize you are influencing the child's life. Never let the child feel like they are supposed to make adult decisions or to feel like they have to love another more.
It is not fair for them to take sides and no matter the child's decision you love them regardless.
3. Forget the Opinions. The situation is not easy for some people in your life to understand but know this, the more you love your decisions, the less you need others to love them.
I know plenty of people who will not even consider being with someone who has a child. The sad truth is that they are not only possibility missing out on a beautiful person they are missing out on a wonderful child as well.
4. When you Promise Their Parent Forever, You Also Promise Them Forever Too. You are never taking the other parents place, and you always remind the child who you are to them.
You're their friend who happened to fall in love with their parent. Remind them that you will be there for them whenever they need you and you stick to your word.
5. It is Never About You or the Two of You. You HAVE to be okay with this. Some things have to go first. You have to sacrifice too. It is not about the parties, fun, drinks, it's about the love you have together.
Your relationship cannot be selfish. There is plenty of time when the two of you want alone time, but you step up and be the person that child needs.
6. Loving a Child, Who is Not Your Own. It takes a special person to forget the situation and let this child in their heart. You are not obligated to love their child, but you easily do.
7. Different Perception of Love. You learn about a love that most do not get to experience. An absolute unconditional love. No one tells the child, "you are forced to love them" That is what makes this love so very special. The child loves you for being you.
They love you for feeding them, caring for them, putting on their band-aids, and kissing them goodbye and they grow up knowing you were not obligated to.
8. Special Moments. There will be plenty of time when you want to rip out your hair and scream. Although, the special moments will be worth it.
The first time they say they love you when you are the first they run to you with a bloody nose, their smile when you are proud of them. So many other moments and so many more to come that make all of it worth it.
9. They are a Blessing. You feel so very blessed that not only did their parent fall in love with you but as did their child. Its is not easy for parents to let someone in their life. They are choosing a step parent, they are choosing a life partner, and are choosing someone that they will have their kids together.
They feel you are worthy enough to be in their life and partake of those roles. All of this is a blessing in itself.