I can remember the day my mom died like it was yesterday. Actually, I have the worst memory ever, until it comes down to every detail leading up to my moms passing.
I remember the details of every drive to the hospital, the three different hospitals rooms she was moved around to and every dreadful detail leading up to her taking her final breaths at home.
I don’t think losing your mom is something anyone could ever prepare you for. Even if someone has been through it, I think it’s hard to emotionally prepare someone for the life altering tragedy they are about to experience.
When my mom was sick I reached out to just about everyone I knew who had lost a parent. I wanted to know as much as possible about what I would soon be dealing with. Even with all of that support, there is so much stuff you just can’t be prepared for.
Nobody tells you about the emptiness you’ll feel late at night
Nobody could prepare you for, or explain what it feels like late at night when you’re alone in bed wanting nothing more than to call your mom. It’s a feeling of absolutely emptiness, absolute loss and pure devastation. It’s a feeling you can’t put into words for someone.
Nobody tells you about the rollercoaster that grief is
Nobody can explain the way grief really has no end. You think it’s done. You think the storm is over. Well, the littlest thing can send you right back down the rollercoaster tarnishing every bit of progress you have made.
Nobody tells you how escalated every bad thing that happens is
Nobody could explain how much worse things hurt without your mom. Nobody could explain the feeling that the entire world is against you and how angry you are that you already have lost your mom, and now are going through this too. Everything is escalated. Everything seems worse. Everything has become so unfair.
Nobody tells you what it feels like the first time you go to call your mom… and every time after.
Nobody could explain the gut-wrenching feeling when you by habit, dial your mom’s number to tell her something that happened that day. Only to realize that she is in fact gone, or even that the number has been disconnected. This doesn’t get easier the second or third times either…
Nobody tells you what it feels like to watch your closest family member break down and cry
Nobody could explain what I would feel when I watched my dad completely break down and lose it for the first time. Nobody could have prepared me for that. No part of my life or background could have provided me enough experience to know what to do. The only way I could explain it- complete loss.
Nobody tells you what it feels like to be different
For the first time in your life maybe, you are different. You have gone through something so many people around you haven’t. You feel different everywhere you go. You feel different in many conversations. Your life is no longer the same and there is nothing you can do.
However, although you are different, you are not alone.
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Great resources for others who have lost a mother!