There is no right way to get back at it after a difficult break up. Each individual has to find their own unique path to fresh love. However, these six steps will help you along your way so that you can be sure you’re at least stepping off on the right foot.
1. First things first, make sure you’re ready.
Have you had a full blown, snot filled cry fest? You'll need to do that ASAP. It’s important to fully come to terms with the emotions that arise from a break-up. You will go through pain, anger, denial (and all those stages of yuck), and then you will be numb, quiet, intuitive, and then soon you’ll begin to feel fine again.
It’s a beautiful thing when you realize that that other person doesn’t matter one bit in your current life. You’ll feel like you’ve sprouted feathered wings and you'll want to fly from the nearest mountain top. The world is your limit.
However, you need to make sure that you’ve reached that point because you don’t want to get involved with someone too soon. You could end up with a rebound and hurting that person and yourself unnecessarily.
Tread carefully until you get that feeling of freedom. You'll know when it is.
2. Reconnect with some very old flings.
I’m not saying to booty call them over to your place at 2 am, so you can have a scandalous high school rebound. No.
If you have any good relations with someone that you had a past fling with, but not a very serious relationship with then hit them up. You might be surprised to rediscover the things which attracted you to them. Or, you might be revolted by their personalities and/or looks and can’t believe you ever had tingly feelings for them in the first place.
This will help you realize which qualities you are going to want to in the future. With that in mind...
3. Go after someone with qualities which aren’t your go-to turn ons.
Are you always pursuing the bad boy with a nasty attitude? Let’s try and avoid that this time around.
Even if you think you’re pursuing good qualities i.e. sensitive, honest, intuitive, funny, out-going, etc. Try to switch it up. Thus far, the people that you have been with have not been the best fit for you. Maybe you don’t know which personalities are going to mesh the best with yours, so try and seek out the opposite of your typical type. You may be surprised at what and whom you end up being attracted to.
4. Try a different approach to love.
If you are normally reserved with your love affairs, kick it up a notch. Or, if you tell the person you love them within the first month, let’s take a step back.
There are different ways to approach love, and each approach differs from couple to couple and individual to individual. However, try and learn from your mistakes and pin point what went wrong in your past relationships. Those missteps may have occurred at the initial start to the relationship - so tweak it a little. That way, you can use your previous relationship(s) as valuable tools to steer you in a healthier path during your next love affair.
5. Go on some innovative dates.
With that being said, your next relationship should not resemble your previous one in the slightest.
Never go on a repeat date.
If you had a special “spot” with your beau, then don’t ever go around there with your latest one. You want to create fresh memories with your new special someone. So, try to find different activities that you two can do, which you and your ex never did.
All things water: River rafting, kayaking, water boarding, fishing, midnight skinny dipping
Outdoorsy: hiking, night hiking, hanging a hammock beneath the stars, camping, off-roading
A play off the norm: drive-thru movie theater, attend an art gallery (even if you hate art, especially if you hate art), watch the sunset at the top of a mountain
Exotic foods: sushi, Indian, Spanish tapas, Greek, French (and I mean real French i.e. frog legs and snails)
You feel me? Go on some fun dates, and even if the person doesn’t work out, you’ll have tried something new.
There’s not a whole lot to lose.
6. Finally, just go for it.
The most important thing to do when getting back into the game is to just get after it.
I know it may feel scary to take the plunge with someone new, but you’ve already been through the ringer with your ex. And guess what honey, you made it out alive. Can’t you feel how much stronger and wiser you are now? Trust yourself because you are ready to find a more perfect person for you than your ex ever was.
Kiss some unexpected people, go on some crazy dates; flirt a little more, live a little more. Your love life will reap the benefits, believe me.
Even if you make some mistakes, laugh them off. Everyone makes those, you aren’t a brilliant cupid match-maker yet.
In the end you’ll be proud of yourself from the changes you’ve made in your approach to love and how you treat your relationships. So, good luck, get after it, and have way too much fun looking for that new special someone.
For more of Brittany Ann's writing, follow her on her Facebook page.