I fell for you instantly.
We were both just coming out of bad relationships. At the time, I thought you were just a welcomed distraction. I was always such a cynical person.
But then you made me laugh and we sat up until 3 AM drinking and having meaningful conversations about how our lives had gotten to the point where we were starting over.
Starting over — that’s where you and I clicked.
You had a decade on me, but it didn’t matter. I had spent so much time with a man that didn’t see my worth. You had spent your life with your young love but you both grew apart.
We both didn’t know what direction either of us were heading in.
When we talked, we felt like we were still somebody...like we hadn't lost so much time and all sense of ourselves in relationships that didn't work out.
In the beginning, though, I’d always end up being cynical and cold towards you. I tried to protect myself from more hurt. I’d question every intention you ever had.
Finally, I gave in and opened myself up to your love.
I started dating you even though I was so cautious, so scared. You managed you chip away at all the doubt I ever had about myself.
You fell for me, despite all the twisted parts of my soul. You understood every dark corner of my entity that I believed I had to hide from others.
You were everything I wasn't.
I fell for the light of your soul and how much love you cast out onto the world. We had what the other needed. Our souls danced around each other, delighted in finding the qualities opposite of our own.
It took me so long to realize it. When I finally fully grasped what you were in my life…it was too late.
I picked up the phone one day to find out you had left me. You had left me in the worst possible way. The pain and confusion of this world had become too much for you. In your mind, the struggle had become too much.
You took your own life.
For weeks I struggled through every emotion that came with your heartbreaking decision. I was calm and understood. Then, I was angry and hated you for your choice. In the end, I was just overwhelmingly depressed and missed every ounce of your being.
You were everything. You were funny, you were kind, you were compassionate towards your fellow humans and you were warm. Everyone adored you. You were so many things to so many people.
Part of me understood, but the other part couldn't fathom how you could give up all the hope you had for us.
You said we didn’t have to brave this world alone anymore. You said that because we had each other, we had hope. You said we would travel the world. We would talk to people from all corners of the globe and learn the secrets of life....
You just couldn't make it though. Your hope disappeared. I spent so much time wondering where it went. How the light in you just disappeared. But as time started to slowly pass, I realized the hope I thought you held strong for us in your soul, I possessed....
You renewed my faith in myself.
You saw my strength and made me see it for myself. I was dead when I met you, and you restored the life that was deep in me all along. You loved every part of me so that I could love myself. But you were so focused on loving me, you neglected yourself.
Because of your love, I finally started living.
I never pass up an opportunity to see a part of the world I’ve never seen. I never pass up the prospect to create a new story for my remaining time here. I live for you.
I will love myself in honor of you. I will look at myself through your eyes. You continue to walk with me, and I hope you know how much of an impact you had on changing my life for the better.
You led my out of the darkness and I only wish I could have saved you in the same sense.