It all started with a simple little message, "I totally just stalked page." It was that very message that was the beginning of what I thought was a great friendship. Truthfully, I never imagined that you would ever become so important to me, but somehow you did.
We started talking every single day, just about all day long. I had never done that with a girl before. I had never had a best friend whom I could talk to all day long and never get sick of it. You became my best friend, my rock,my person even and the bond we shared was so strong that I would've done anything to keep it. I honestly believed that we would be friends forever.
I was wrong.
About a year after our friendship had started, one day you just up and disappeared. I remember I had something I wanted to tell you so I went to find you on Facebook, but you just vanished. At first, I didn’t make a big deal about it. I had make the assumption that maybe you deleted Facebook for a while due to some personal reason. People do that all the time. So I tried emailing you, and I never heard back. So, I kept emailing and emailing until one day you responded telling me that we couldn’t be friends. You have no idea how badly that hurt me.
It was okay though. At the time, I let it go. I figured I had done something wrong that made you feel this way, so I just let you be apart from me and live without me. It hurt every single day though. I kept asking myself what I had done wrong. I wondered why I wasn’t good enough. Until one day you sent me an email saying you were sorry.
I couldn’t figure out what was happening. One minute you told me that we couldn't be friends and now you were telling me you were sorry and you stillwanted to be friends. I will admit I was so confused, especially since the onlyreasoning for why you did what you did was “There are still things in my husbands and I’s past that I’m still making up for” I never understood what that had to do without our friendship, but I let it go and we moved on because I figured that having our friendship back was more important than why you had done what you did. If you were back, the rest didn’t matter.
I was wrong again.
Shortly after we reconnected, you had done the same thing. It hurt just as much as it did before. Only this time, I didn’t keep emailing you. I occasionally sent you emails every now and then, but not like I had done the first time you’d cut me out.
Fast forward to about almost a year after, I found out that I had cancer.The only person I wanted to talk to was you, so one day I just took the plunge,and decided to email you. To my surprise you responded. You asked me about a lot of things and I could’ve lied and pretended it was okay, a part of me wishes that I had. Instead though, I told you the truth. Just like that, we became best friends again. You repeatedly told me you were sorry for leaving me. You finally after all these years explained to me why you had done what you did, and I understood. I couldn’t hate you or be mad, I was just happy we were back. I was happy that my best friend was back in my life.
Fast forward to us living together, and you helping me with my health. I was grateful to have you. I was grateful that you cared about me enough to sacrifice and do everything you had to me. Deep down though, I couldn’t fully let you in. I realized after I had moved in with you how scared I was to lose you, so I needed time to sort out those feeling, but I wasn’t given that chance. I constantly felt like you were trying to fix me, but I wasn’t broken.
Then you came up with these accusations, and I didn’t know how to respond to them. I was angry. I was so incredibly angry at you, I still am. I forgave you over and over, and never for a second made you feel bad for leaving me, but you threw me away like yesterday’s trash, never even giving me a chance to tell my side of a story. And for that, I don’t know I can ever find it in my heart to forgive.
You accused me of the worst thing possible, and never stuck around to see that what you thought wasn’t true. It still hurts me that you still think the worst of me when all the proof and other truth points to the opposite. You were my person, yet you never cared to see the truth. I hope that something like this never has to happen to you. It's hurts way too much.