Do you remember the first day you turned on me? I do. I remember it like it was yesterday. I felt so confused, so hurt, so lonely. I don't think anyone can ever truly understand what a broken heart feels like until they stand where I stood that day. That day changed me, and it changed me forever.
At first I hated myself, I hated the effect that day and every day since had on me. I hated the grip you seemed to have on my life long after you were no longer a part of it. I hated the way I would wake up in the middle of the night from just another nightmare. I hated the way I could be sitting in class and someone would say something that would throw me into a flashback. I hated the way that I would instinctively flinch whenever a man would go to hug me, because I was afraid he would hit me. I hated the way that I would feel a need to vomit whenever someone wearing your same Cologne would walk past. I was terrified that you and your cruel actions would forever be the face behind every decision, fear, and insecurity. I was terrified that you would forever haunt my life.
I thought for the longest time that there was something wrong with me. I mean, you were supposed to protect me, so if you became the monster of my nightmares then clearly I was broken.
But I want to make something very clear, there is nothing wrong with me. You, on the other hand, there is something very, very, very wrong with you. The abuse was never my fault, it was yours. And while your actions will always periodically haunt my life in the form of nightmares, anxiety, or flashbacks, you will not. You do not get to haunt my life, you do not get to be the face behind any aspect of me, or who I am, or what I do. Yes, I changed, and I changed at your hand but I changed in the way that I chose, not the way you chose. I chose to pick myself up off the rocky bottom and claw my way to the top. I chose to become who I am today. You and your sadistic games did not create me, I did.
I guess what I am trying to say, is that there was a time that I thought you owned me and you always would. That time has passed. You do not own me. I am far too valuable for someone like you to own. You will never own me. I am not broken. I am not your victim. I am a freaking survivor.
The girl you failed to break