It's not easy knowing I can't share my life successes with you even though I want to. And it hurts knowing deep down you must really not care.
At one point in my life, you meant the world to me. If you had asked me years ago if I would ever imagine blocking you from my life I would have laughed and asked, why?
You are family, which means I will always love you.
But the pain you have caused me, and the heartache you have put me through, have forced me to make a decision I wish I never had to.
You made me choose between family and my happiness, which was one of the worst decisions I have ever made.
Not just because you're family, but because I love you and I do want you to be involved in my life.
But there has to be some sort of boundary. You are not allowed to treat me like shit anymore.
You either apologize for your mistakes and we move forward as a family, or you keep disrespecting me and I will say goodbye.
I don't think you understand how hard of a decision that was to make.
It's hard to know I am not involved in your life, either, because I want so badly to be involved.
But I think the hardest part of it is knowing that I want to be a part of your life more than you want to be a part of mine.
It's really hard to cry myself to sleep some nights because I wish things could just go back to the way they were.
The even harder part, though, is knowing that no matter what happens in the future, our relationship will never be what it used to be.
I hope you remember how much I love you. I hope that this reaches you in good health and happiness.
But the main reason I am writing this is because I hope one day you realize your wrongs and decide to try and correct them.
Because I would be so happy to have you in my life again, even if it's not like what it was before.
It's hard not having you in my life, but it is even harder knowing it's not my place to fix it.
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