More often than not I hear how uneducated I am when it comes to the big "L" word. Regardless of how true or untrue this may be, it's level of offense remains the same. No, I do not know everything or really anything at all about love, but what I do know is that I am learning and am far more educated than I was one year ago.
Doubting me only drags me down and brews a resilient side accompanied by determination in focus of proving my standing on the "L" word and my constant continuum of education. Falling in and out of what I thought was the start of love has helped to clear the path of what differentiates love from lust.
Falling in lust with someone is much simpler than falling in love. Lust is all about you and highly inconsistent. Lust does not bring long-term happiness but rather brings selfishness. Lusting to be with someone simply means that what you are seeking is more physical and less emotional (if any emotion at all). Lust kills your vision and blindsides you, making you think emotions exist when in actuality emotions are nowhere to be found.
Falling in love with someone is more complex yet serene and has a definition that is nearly unexplainable. The feeling of being in love with someone physically cannot be placed into words. Love revolves around emotions and means putting that person as a top priority, yet taking care of yourself and doing what's best for you and them regardless of the situation. Love does not blindside you, but keeps you sane. Love is sanity.
I may only be a beginner in the game of love, but what I have come to realize is love sees no imperfections. In fact, there is no such thing as imperfections as far as love is concerned. Rather, love sees the "bad" in someone yet chooses to look past these "bad traits" and not mind. Imperfection is beauty and love sees just this - imperfections shine through love and come out being imperfect perfections.
Accepting someone for all that they are, all that they were, and all that they are yet to become is a key component in what love truly means. I may not know what it means to be in love with someone completely, but I truly believe that I am in the process of learning.
Along the road, I have picked up some toads, but here I am finally seeing what it's like to be treated the way I have always put into question. I have finally found the one person that I truly believe I have been soul searching for, for the past 20 years. All I need now is the acceptance and the trust of my mother.
I know that saying "I love you" comes with a powerful meaning and should not be rushed into, but I also believe that if truly deep down in your heart you feel that way...then why wait? Learning to love someone is challenging, but it is one of the most rewarding challenges we will ever face. Each and every passing day love becomes more and more clarified.
I may not not know all levels of love, and I may not be in love, but one thing that I am most certain of is that I am in the middle of learning to fall in love with the one person that I know is right there in the middle waiting to catch me. I have never felt so certain of anything in my life.
Dear mom, I'm still learning but I need you to trust me.