There's no denying that E. L. James has a way with "seductive reasoning," and there's definitely no denying these kinky fuckery thoughts (courtesy of Mr. Grey):
1. "Kinky fuckery?" LOL YES can I please borrow that term?
2. Bouquet on bouquet of white roses, how clicheingly romantic, Mr. Grey.
3. But seriously, where my giant ass vase of white roses?
4. Oh, yeah, that's right, life isn't a Hollywood script. Silly me.
5. Okay so this beginning is a little strange.
6. Oh, wait! Nope. Ana got a big girl job.
7. Damn son, Ana's boss trying to come on strong.
8. But he's not even that hot?
9. ...Where's Christian?
10. Jose either really has no life or has an unhealthy obsession with Ana.
11. Six portraits of Ana? Stop being so desperate, Jose.
12. Unhealthy obsession it is.
13.. CHRISTIAN!! YAS.
14. Those portraits aren't the only thing that's large, Ana ;)
15. K so uh when's the first sexy scene?
16. Literally I just want to see Mr. Grey in all his sexy as hell glory.
17. Dinner first? Classy.
18. Seriously, if Ana doesn't go back for round two, I'll gladly volunteer for round one.
19. ?¿ "I wanna take things slow." ¿?
20. Christian Grey doesn't have the word "slow" in his vocabulary.
21. Remember, Ana? He doesn't make love, he fucks ... hard.
22. Mmm the envy towards Anastasia Steele is far too real.
23. YAS THE FIRST SEXY SCENE.
24. Ooh, well hello there, abs.
25. Why is there so many boob shots?
26. More balls, less boobs, please.
27. No, wait. That's porno.
29. Aye I like this soundtrack.
30. So they're sleeping in the same bed now?
31. About time, geez.
32. But I'm seriously so confused on the time frame.
33. Has it been weeks or months at this point?
34. Eh who cares.
35. Ana's boss is such a dick.
36. He'd like to give her some.
37. How does Christian always come out of nowhere at the perfect time?
38. Really Christian, you take her to Mrs. Robinson's salon? Smooth move, dumbass.
39. ...I would not mind being thrown over Mr. Grey's shoulders like that.
40. Aye Christian coming in clutch with the personal stylist.
41. SEXY SCENE.
42. Always throwing in that sexy time in the midst of something important. I see you.
43. Mrs. Robinson needs to leave and get a life.
44. Vandalized car scene AND a helicopter crash? This is too much, I can't.
45. Mr. Grey's play room doesn't look so bad after all.
46. I'd try it.
47. Sorry mom.
48. YAS GIRL. GET MARRIED AND HAVE SOME BABIES.
49. But really...there wasn't nearly as many sexy scenes. What's up with that?
50. AYE FIFTY SHADES FREED NEXT YEAR.