I'm hurting. And right now no amount of "everything is going to be okay" or future focused speed talks are going to make me feel better. I appreciate the gestures of friendships coming out like hugs, and "we will be there for you".
And yes I am aware of the "I support you's" coming to the table. But for once I just need someone to tell me it is okay for me to feel like nothing is going to be okay. For once I just need a friend who can grab me by the arms and look me in the eye and say,
It is okay to feel the way I do. And that I don't need to be okay.
See what I need right now is for one person to step forward and validate my feelings in this moment. And in future moments where I might be so consumed by emotions or thoughts, and just listen. Or maybe just sit there in silence.
Because while I appreciate the other statements they aren't what I need right now.
I need a friend who can sit with me and just acknowledge the pain with me and agree that it sucks. Sometimes in moments of weakness or pain, I am not going to be ready to solve and dissect every problem. I am consumed by whatever is going on, and I just need someone who can be there without judgment.
I need a friend who can just look and know I am not okay, but not try to make me okay in the process.
For once I just need a friend who can be less of the advice giver and more of the listener. To be more of the person I can just in silence with and not feel pressured to figure everything going wrong out.
Because truth is, I am not okay. And I don't want to be told or feel like in that moment I need to fix everything right away.
I just want to be able to sit, and if I am ready to talk about bits and pieces of it all with someone I don't have to worry will pass judgment on me.
And if you're that friend...if you're that someone ... I need you right now.
I need you in my life, in my space, in my vicinity because it would make working through whatever is going on a million times better.
So if you're that person please come. Please sit by me and let me know you're there.
Because what I need right now is a friend who is ready to be there.
So I can be there in return.
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