Moving on is one of the scariest things to do because even with everything that has happened, they are still the front and center of your heart. Forgetting how he made me feel is the hardest part of moving on.
Maybe this new person treats you great. They have the ability to treat you better than you have ever been treated before. It’s someone you could bring home to meet your parents. It’s definitely not someone that you and your girlfriends would call a “fuck boy”.
He checks the boxes. He even checks the boxes that you didn’t even know you had. But something’s missing. There is something that isn’t quite right.
He doesn’t give you that spark. He doesn’t make you excited to see his name pop up on your phone. He doesn’t keep you up at night looking forward to the next day that you get to spend together.
He’s not you.
He doesn’t give me the feeling that I had when I was with you. He doesn’t give me the feeling that I still get when I run into you at the bar, or see your name flash across my screen.
He doesn’t give me the excitement I felt when I was on my way to go see you. He doesn’t give me the feeling I would get when I had the most stressful day at work and wanted nothing but to pick up the phone and call you.
Maybe I really haven’t moved on. Maybe a piece of me still keeps out hope that one day we will be able to figure it out. Maybe that isn’t what I’m admitting out loud, but maybe it’s what I’m still feeling inside.
Everyone else is a distraction. A filler. They are something that I am filling a void with. The void while I try to get my feelings under control or while I attempt to piece together what exactly it is that still keeps my heart so drawn to you.
Maybe I’m just not ready. Maybe it’s time to face the fact that until I am finally over you, I will never find the right person.
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