For some odd reason, I never actually find the nerve to confront your lack of commitment. I'm not sure if it's because you're such a good manipulator and you know how to change my mind with a simple "I love you". Or if it's the way you use that good ole fashioned, good boy/bad-boy charm.
Quite frankly I realize that I have let you use it on me for far too long.
I have given into your seducing wit and poetic words on more than one occasion. Aside from contemplating how or when to confront you for the last God knows how many months, I have also found myself quite confused when it comes to you and I to begin with. When I really begin to look at the beginning of our, well, whatever you want to call what this is! To where we are right now, I truly do not understand!
It started with long phone conversations about life, love, romance, our work lives, our goals for the future, and just about every thing else you could think of in between. This lead to long hours of face time and cute snap chats to keep each other updated on how we're doing throughout the day. The next thing I knew I was sitting across from you highly attracted to your personality and the way you speak.
One thing lead to another, and this first dinner dates turned into many more dates that became memories. If I recall correctly, our dates turned from being once a month to being a weekly occurrence. However, during all those months of "dating," you never wanted to commit to me fully. You always kept some form of distance and guard up, that I could never break down.
And after being back and fourth, in and out for a good year now I finally had the guts to tell you my real feelings for you. No more holding back. No more constantly wondering what we really are or if you truly care about me.
I finally let it all out. I didn't want casual, fun dating anymore. I was ready for something more and still am. But now I don't think I can have that something more with you if you're not willing to fully embrace what we have.
Because when I managed to let all of my feelings out for you, you told me you didn't want a relationship and still don't want to be tied down. And then you really messed with me good by going on to say "But, I love you. I love you more than you will ever know."
But yet, it's the middle of the night, I haven't heard from you in days. I'm just laying here awake lost on thoughts of pure confusion. And I can't help but wonder why I'm still holding out for you...