I thought, for once, that all of this was going to work out, that it was going to be good.
I never thought that I would have to say goodbye to you.
Because with you, I never had to try. There was never any forcing, never me wanting someone or something besides you.
But most of the time, no matter what your heart is telling you, it just isn't enough.
I could've loved you all my life.
When I think about it now, it feels like a lifetime ago. And maybe it was.
Maybe you were good for me then, what I needed then. And maybe now that so much has changed, I have to stop thinking that you're going to come back and be good all over again.
I think the hardest part is admitting to myself that our love was fleeting. That it wasn't some miracle ;like I always thought.
You were just there when I needed you. And when you weren't, I learned how to live without you.
It's not like it didn't take time because it did.
It's not like there aren't times when I can't sleep and I think about you. And I wonder if you're doing okay if you're happy.
I was so sure that one day, we would find out way back to one another. I think that it just all got a little lost.
I think I got a little lost.
But wherever you are, whatever yo are doing, I want you to know one thing.
I never wanted this to end. I never wanted to have to find someone else, or to watch you be with someone who wasn't me.
I knew it was going to be different, and that it was going to take some time.
But in my heart of hearts, I thought that we were stronger than that.
Just once, I believed in forever.
But then life happened, and all of that changed. We both got older, wiser, we both learned what we wanted and worked hard.
And that's okay.
Just know something. I never stopped loving you. I don't think I could stop if I tried. Because it's always been you.
Maybe it was because you were my first love. Maybe it's because you taught me how to love myself without even trying.
Or maybe it's because we were really were supposed to ned up together. It just took too much time for wither one of us to figure out.
But I want you to know that I'm not holding onto this anymore. I'm not waiting for you to come back to me.
I know that you're better off now. And even though it breaks my heart, I know that one day, I'm going to be just fine.
One day I'll be able to say your name and not break down. I'll be able to think about you and smile, instead of falling apart.
Because what you gave to me was important. It meant something. Even after all these years, that's one thing that I can be sure of.
It's not so bad, most days. Because I know that love comes in all different forms, in all different ways and sometimes, we have to accept that what we thought, it just isn't reality.
That's the only explanation that I have for you. That I have for us. It's the only thing that I can hold onto, even as everything is moving so fast around me.
I hope that you find yourself sometime soon.
I hope that you know that as long as you held on, I held on longer.
And above all, I hope you know that saying goodbye to you kills me. Everyday.
That after all of this, I never thought I would have to tell you that I'm gone for good.