I could say something. I have thought about saying a million things a million times but something holds me back.
Someone holds me back.
Because if I told you I loved you, I would by lying to you. And lying to myself.
I love the idea of you.
I love the way that you look at me. Like I'm the most beautiful thing that you've ever seen.
I love the way that you talk when you're excited about something. I love the way that you let me, without any logic. Without any fear.
I love the person you are.
But I do not love you.
It's not one thing. And it's never been anything you've done wrong.
I hate to admit it, but it's because you aren't him.
As hard as I try, he still stays with me.
Inside my heart and my mind and every time I want to say those three words, I think of him.
And not you.
And for that, I'm sorry.
I know that you would give me the entire world, the moon and the stars if I asked.
But I cannot accept that without shame. I can't lead you on anymore and yet I cannot help myself.
Because he won't ever love me the way I love him. He won't ever love me at all.
And you, well you have already started to love me in the ways I have always wanted, always dreamed about.
So I would tell you that I love you, but I would know, and you would know, that it wasn't real.
So for now, when you look in my eyes and tell me those three words a thousand girls have been looking for, I'll smile and laugh.
I'll say something close but I'll never say it all the way.
Because as much as I would love to, I just can't break your heart for my own reasons.
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