"I swear, I really am completely over it."
You spend a big chunk of each day convincing all your friends of that lie. In addition, you tell them that you know you deserve better, and you're ready to find something new. You say it so many times and so passionately that you almost start to believe it yourself.
Time goes by and the pain gets easier to cope with but it never completely goes away. You see him and all you want to do is jump into his arms, but he's no longer yours.
So you sit back and take comfort in the fact that he's happy. Even though you're broken inside at least you know it wasn't for nothing.
You were the last piece of the puzzle that is him finally being completed. Now you know it was all for a reason. The most important reason, you bettered him.
Because of your undeniable understanding of who you are, you pushed him to find himself and that's exactly what he did. You supported him through all of his lowest lows and were there to celebrate with him in his highest highs.
He needed you, he couldn't have done it without you.
You gave the best advice and pushed him in the right direction. You were the driving force that woke him up. You were his reality check that shook him into the real world. You impacted him in ways he probably doesn't understand.
To say you are empathetic would be an understatement. It's like all of the crappy things that happened in his days, you felt too. You refused to let him suffer on his own and that only taught him to be stronger.
So don't ever think that you didn't matter. Because you did.
So no matter how many tears you cried, or how many sleepless nights you may have, know that it's okay.
For now, keep smiling because no matter what happens, you made a difference.