Look if you gave up the girl who did everything for you - who loved you the way she was supposed to - that is on you.
The fact you couldn't see her for who she was, that she put in all the effort to maintain something you acted like you never wanted - is in fact your fault.
How could you not see that the support, and the love she showed you was real? Or that the idea of her wanting to spend time with you had nothing to do with her trying to tie you down, but had to do with wanting to simply experience life with her.
She molded a shell after all the times you forgot about her. After all the things she did for you, you forgot she existed. And so you took for her granted, and in return she became a little bit more than guarded. Her walls exist as a fortress because you forgot to see how her love for you was the real thing.
See the moment you forgot she was the type of girl who would have stayed - that was the moment she realized she was nothing to you. She wanted so much of you, from you, hoping at one moment or another that if she reached out and blocked your stubbornness for one second she could get you back.
She gave herself to you, not out of spite or out of other people's investment - but because she poured her heart to you. Unlike you, she gave a crap about what you two had. About every little crevice of you, about your dreams...she was there through it on. You took that and made it about you. You chose to stand on the sidelines watching the wretched cheerleaders then see the true love player working her hardest.
Your moment of self discovery came in the shape of chasing skirts - of putting other people on a pedestal she was no longer invited to step on. To you, what you were doing was more than fine. Perhaps she was never important anyway - by comparison you couldn't see her insecurities anyways.
You covered up all you did to her with excuses because you never wanted to address how she was feeling. You used her for whatever purpose because at moments she gave you things, but you always wanted more.
Her heart was nothing more to you than a pawn, you wanted control - so you took it. She tried to help you and reach out, but you pushed her down with anvils made of not caring and constant banter of her not being what you wanted. Was there ever a time she was what you wanted?
There was no justification for you hurting her. For you playing this game of cat and mouse hoping you could catch her again when you wanted. You failed to own up to the pain you caused even though she tried to call you out for it. How is it possible that someone like you can rip someone's soul out over and over gain?
Love was never supposed to be toxic, or supposed to be painful. But at one moment she started believing it was acceptable for her to be damaged. She believed your toxic love was real. And that was the hard part. She wanted so badly too be loved, but you kept pressing up and down on an elevator of feelings that would never be reciprocated.
And you never changed.
So many promises were left unanswered. And somewhere she lost herself.
But in time she realized she couldn't be loved by you in the same way she gave herself to you. So she chose herself.
She found a vessel in side of her that told her to press on without you. So she picked the pieces of her ruin up and took on her greatest villain... you.
She picked herself up and saved what love she had left, and decided to no longer waste it with someone who only wanted to continue to live their dream and think of no one else's.
So while you may think of yourself as high and mighty - she left because you couldn't keep her. You never saw her heart work, her driven spirit, her real love.
So she left, and took with her everything she gave. Because she knew she couldn't bare to have it dumped in a waste basket any longer.
And that is not her fault, it is yours.
She took on a whole hurricane for you and it still wasn't enough. So she walked away leaving you to drown on your own because she couldn't be your paddle anymore.
She's rowing toward a better place, all because you couldn't see what she made of.
To see more from Amina, visit her here.