I'm learning how to let go of the person I thought I would always be with.
I ask myself often "How do you get up and move on when your heart is in love with the person who hurt you over and over?" I ask myself "How do you give your heart a fair chance to find someone better when you wish you still had them?"
To be honest, I am learning how to do more than let you go... I am learning how to unlove you, how to do more to give myself a fair shot.
I am at a loss for words, I am trying to figure out how to go forward, and how to honestly move on. It's not easy. As much as I know I need to move on, I am not sure I can do that quite yet.
So many people have told me during this tough time that there is someone out there for me who is better for me than you. We shared so much, had so much history — and it's hard to let all that go. It's hard to live your life thinking you get to live it with it someone else.
You are everything I thought I could be with. Everything that I thought I would be the best with. But you shut me out, and I got tired of it.
It's hard to let all that go...but I have to.
You're the last thing I should want to keep around, but I'll have to move forward to make your absence hurt a lot less. Separation isn't ideal, but I know that love isn't supposed to hurt. You are supposed to fall in love deeper, not fall into a deeper despair.
It's difficult to feel like all of it is worth walking away from. I used to think I couldn't walk away from it all, but even though my heart is aching in this moment, I will get through.
I'm learning what it means to trust myself. I am learning how to unlove you.
I have to do right by me for once. Even if it means letting go of the one who taught me how to love, but forgot how to love me in return.
So here's to focusing on my heart for once, and doing right by me.
To see more from Amina, visit her here.