Being a hopeless romantic is hard. Believing the best in people is even harder. But I’d rather keep loving and believing, than become a heartless, bad person like him.
We live in a hook up culture... No one gets invested. No one gets attached…
So, unsurprisingly, I wasn't expecting much from the guy I met on a dating app.
Maybeone drink? Maybe two?
I figured we'd have some fun for a week or two and that would be that. Nothing serious. Nothing special.
Maybe he sensed it? Maybe that's why he played me like such a fool?
I’ll never know. But, whatever his reasoning was, I wish he never lied.
I can take the truth.I can take the reality that maybe ‘he’s just not that into me’ or 'not looking for a relationship right now.'
But what I can't take is disrespect.
I used to wonder why I wasn't good enough for his love and admiration. I used to wonder how he could find so many flaws of mine to criticize. I even used to wonder if we would still be together if I had just let more shit slide.
But then I realized something…He’s just a bad guy.
Good guys don’t lie or cheat. Good guys don’t make girls feel inferior or give them false hope. Good guys don’t break hearts just for the hell of it. And, most importantly, good guys don’t dispose of people like he does.
So, to the man I pray to never see again. To the man who shattered my already fragile heart:
You did not need to tell me you loved me.You did not need to tell me you wanted to be with me 'forever.' You did not need to describe a version of 'us' you never planned on fulfilling.
You chose to do all that.
I wish I knew the real you before I got invested… Before I wasted my time and introduced you to my life. I wish I knew the real you before I let myself look like an idiot in front of your friends and mind. I wish I knew it all before I fell in love with someone who doesn't exist.
You see, I believed in you. I believed in your heart. I believed that, although somewhat broken and rough around the edges, that you were worth my time. I believed that your best behavior was who you wanted to be; not just an act. I believed you meant what you said. I believed that you were deserving of my love.
But I was wrong.
Some days, when I'm feeling extra down, I replay those voicemails and audio messages... I re-read all the texts... Just to prove to myself that I didn't make it all up in my head.
You tricked me into loving you…
That was your decision.
But, for the first time since this one sided love affair imploded, I’ve made a decision of my own.
I don't need you to validate my feelings.
I don't need you to agree that cheating and lying is wrong.
I don't need you to agree that body shaming is hurtful.
I don't need you to agree that the way you portrayed me to your friends was messed up.
I don't even need you to agree that we were more than an 'almost relationship.'
I don't need you. Period.
............................ I need way more than just another bad guy.