I know that we've been through a lot. More than most people I know or you know. More than almost anyone.
I know that you are engraved in my memory. Time and time again. And when I think of you, starting over with someone else, just know one little thing.
It kills me.
Because I know that you were my first love. And I know that I'm going to have so many more loves after you. Good ones and bad ones.
But one thing that I need you to know before we leave one another for good, is that I never wanted to let you go.
Not for one single second.
But life gets complicated, and we were no different.
You changed and I changed. And there was time and distance and new people. But I never thought that you would stop fighting for me.
I never thought I would have to start over again with someone else.
And I never thought I would have to say goodbye and mean.
But I was wrong.
I know that you want me to be happy, and really, most days, I am.
But then sometimes, when I'm trying to sleep, when I'm just waking up when I'm drinking my morning coffee, my mind sort of just drifts to you.
I don't know why. Maybe it't because for a long time, there was only you. And I was taking a chance by saying that there would never be anyone else. But I said it because I meant it.
I knew that, of course, we would each fall in and out of love, maybe even get close to what we had again.
But I thought that we would find our way back to one another.
And least that's what we always talked about. That meant something to me. And I thought that for once, we were on the same page.
Just know that watching you with someone like her, someone who maybe makes you happier, who makes you smile bigger, who has your heart now, I wasn't ready for that.
I don't know if I'll ever be.
Know that just because I let you go, doesn't mean that I thought you would be lost to me forever. And I sure didn't think that it meant you moving on so quickly.
So when you tell me that I was your first love, don't.
When you tell me that you won't ever love someone the way that you loved me, don't.
And more important of all, when you say that one day, I'll move on too, don't.
Because I have tried time and time again to find you in someone else.
And I can't.
I don't want to find someone to stand in for you.
I don't want to love someone the way I loved you because I would only by lying to him and myself.
So yeah, I was the one that let you walk away. But that doesn't mean that I wanted it to end up like this.
I didn't want to lose you. Not to someone else.
But I know myself well. And I know that I'm not going to fight for a spot in your life. I deserve more than that. I don't have anything else to prove.
You knew I loved you then just like you know I love you now.
But you made your choice now, and I have to deal with that. I came out on the losing end. And even though it breaks my heart, I care enough to want yours to be full.
Finally, one more thing I want you to remember is this. It wasn't mean who stopped loving you.
And it wasn't me who found someone new to fill the void we both have. It was you.
I know I messed up.
And I know that maybe, it wasn't our time. But now thanks to you, I don't think that time will ever come again.
One day soon, I hope you'll understand that.