When you have a history with someone it is difficult to let them go. It is hard to sit there, wondering if they really are going to leave, if they really are going to exit your life like nothing.
Your history is what connects you to them. You think they are supposed to be in your life for a reason. But our time has ended, and although it may be hard to swallow I wasn't supposed to be in your life.
How I felt was real don't get me wrong, but things didn't end up as planned, and it was the time I moved onto something better. It became the time we needed to surround each other with people that weren't one another.
My friends reminded me life didn't revolve around you. They reminded me that the memories were okay to keep, but I couldn't keep wasting my time keeping you close. I want you to know I still miss you at times.
But just because I miss you, and just because you might miss me, doesn't mean I need you in my life. It doesn't mean you need to be in mine.
The thing about moving on means letting go. It means letting go of the people, environment, and toxicity in life. And that includes you, and it means what we had.
So even though I admit at times, I miss you, and it seems to let go of the moments, doesn't mean I want you to keep being around. I am not programmed to keep you in my life.
I am not a robot, I cannot let myself break into the same routine. My life moving on means letting go of the past: and that past involves you.
All we can be is memories. Because we can't continue waking up and thinking of each other. I've let myself move forward in a direction that makes you my universe.
I am doing well on my own. I look forward on my own, living my life and doing the best I can. Sure we had some great memories, but that is all it can be.
As much as it hurts to leave, it gets easier knowing I need to do what is right for me and for my life. I deserve the life I need, and the life I want.
I don't miss wondering why you couldn't see my worth, or you telling me what was wrong with me, or the way you never defended yourself to me with your friends.
What we had was the opposite of trust, everything about our relationship brought me to my knees.
There were so many times I wondered if I would be able to find myself without you... days I wondered if you ever would be the person I fell for again. And then there were moments I remembered what letting go would do.
And I learned in my life that just because you miss me, doesn't mean you need to remain a part of this journey. I need to do what is right by me. I need to do what I need, and that just doesn't mean having you in it.
My life can't be hell anymore. And really it gets a lot better because I can let whoever I want in it. I deserve so much better, and just because you might miss me, doesn't mean I am going to come back to you.
To see more from Amina, visit her here.