Having a boyfriend can be dope, but it also comes with a lot of headache and drama that I sometimes feel like I’m better off without.
Dealing with guys often leaves me feeling like I need to guzzle an entire bottle of cold beer. In fact, maybe I should just skip dating altogether and stick with the beer.
Beer is the most rock solid relationship you’ll ever be in. It’s always there no matter what. It never gets flaky or forgets to text back. It never cancels plans on you.
It doesn’t complain that you’re “getting clingy.” Beer just simply sits in your refrigerator, waiting to comfort you in your time of need.
Feeling energized and ready for summer? There’s a perfect chilled beer for you. Had a long day and just want to Netflix and chill? Pick up a bottle of beer for some deep comfort. Boyfriends can try to fit your moods, but they’re never really quite as versatile as beer.
Beer will never cheat on you or break up with you. Also, beer will never judge you.
Want to come home and put on an episode of Friends you’ve seen a million times? You won’t hear a peep from that white frothy beer head. Could that BE any more awesome?
Instagram your beer, and all your friends will instantly think that your life is carefree and amazing.
Instagram your boyfriend and your friends will talk shit about you.. yes, they all will. Eventually. Don’t you have anything else to do than being consumed with him? He’s not all that.
There is no such thing as "too much beer."
Beer doesn’t work late or forget to book a restaurant for Valentine’s Day. Beer is completely dependable and has the best memory. Its priorities are 100 percent in check.
A good chilled beer will always impress your girlfriends. With a boyfriend, you always have to worry about what your friends will think. Do they really like him? What do they say about him when you’re not in the room? These questions never have to cross your mind when you’re talking about beer.
Everyone loves beer, and it NEVER disappoints.
If an interesting smell emits from your beer, you can just label it “malty”… and keep drinking.
Seriously. It’s just an earthy funk. But THAT smell? That smell that came from him? That should not be naturally occurring.
So If your boyfriend can't do any of the things beer does, dump him. You're welcome. Cheers.