They say time heals all... I’m still trying to figure out what exactly that means. Does that mean as time goes on we actually move on and get better?
Or does it mean that as time goes on we begin to replace the memories with new memories and place a band-aid over the pain that we’ve been through?
Most of the time I like to think I’m doing pretty well. It starts to seem like I am moving on and getting better. Sometimes, I actually think I may have reached a point of forgiving you and finding happiness completely away from you.
And then there are those nights where everything comes crashing down. Those nights that actually feel like nothing in the world could make things better and it may never actually be possible to happily live without you.
Those nights make it seem like no progress has been made. They have a way of bringing you right back to the moment your heart got shattered into a million pieces. They have a way of breaking you down to feelings of anger, sadness, and regret.
They leave you gasping for air, crying for the first time in months, wondering how on earth you are going to live the rest of your life without the person you love so deeply.
They leave you wondering how it’s actually possible that you can still have so much love for someone who hurt you so badly.
It doesn't make sense. You just start questioning everything about yourself and your life and what you are doing. You're left wondering where you went wrong and what you did to deserve such pain. These nights leave you angry that you could still love this person.
But they are part of the process. With all grief, comes bad days. With losing someone you love, it is important to remember you won’t heal overnight. It is important to remember that it is a long process (sometimes way too long).
It is important to remember that every setback leaves you closer and closer to healing back to your old self.
It is important to remember that a setback doesn’t mean you are weak. If anything, it shows how strong you really are.
You endured horrible pain. You got broken. And you are still surviving.
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