Because we have so much history. We known one another through and through, and in this life, that's pretty much as close to perfect as anyone can ever get.
I just thought it would be easier... saying goodbye to you.
Every time I gather up the courage to finally cut our ties, something inside of me tells me not too.
I know that healing takes time. I'm no stranger to people leaving, it happens all the time. It's life. And the older we get, the more we accept it.
People change. People go away, leave without warning and somehow, we are able to pick ourselves back up and start all over again.
But with you, it's more than that.
It's not so much that I'm stuck in the past, that I'm living in some kind of memory that won't go away. It's not the letting go that hurt me the most.
But it's not like I spend nights waiting up for you to call, to tell me that you're sorry and that you love me and miss me and want me back.
I learned that you have too much pride to admit that, and that I won't ever be the one you're pleading with to stay.
And I can accept that.
I know that what we had was fleeting, that it wasn't meant to last. Maybe not forever, and maybe not even as long as we tried to make it work.
I can learn to unlove you. Really, I can earse you for my head.
It's just that my heart doesn't feel the same way, and I won't say sorry for something like that. It's not that I want this to happen. I would love to be able to tell you goodbye and really mean it, but I just can't.
I don't know where to go from here because the futher than I move away from you, the more than I know that it's coming.
The great goodbye. The downfall. The breaking.
And I don't know if I'm ready to face that alone.
I have tried time and time again to make myself care about someone the way that I cared about you. And it just hasn't stuck.
Maybe I need more time. Maybe I need more than a while to be able to look you in the eye and tell you that what I thought was forever turned out to be a lot shorter.
Or maybe, I just have to accept it.
But something alwasy keeps pulling me back to you.
It's like gravity.
The moment I see you, everything that I worked so hard to build, all those walls that you made me build brick by brick, all come crashing down. And I remember that the reason that there's no one else is because no one ever even gets a chance.
It's always been you.
I don't know if I'll ever be able to tell you goodbye and mean it. But I hope that one day, I can. It's not that you're holding me back from all the things I want, all the people that are supposed to come into my life.
It's just that I never thought I would hold on this long, and let go this hard, all at once.
So just remember, when you reach out and ask me how I'm doing, just know that when I say I'm fine I mean it. I'm doing just fine without you.
But I'm not ready to tell you goodbye.