I know that it's been a long time. I know that we have both done things and said things. Made mistakes and finally, when it all comes down to it, we both walked away.
But not at the same time.
And that's the thing that keeps me close to you, even though I know that you're too far away now and that too much has happened for us to ever be us again.
So when you ask me if I've moved on, I can tell you yes.
I can tell you that I've fallen in love since you. That I've been heart broken and that I left a few scars of my own.
But that doesn't change the fact that moving on wasn't the hard part. It's what I know I'm leaving behind.
It's the aftermath.
The last nights when I miss you, even if I have someone else to fall into sleep with. It's the days when I think about you.
When I worry. When I want to reach out but I'm not sure if you're going to be there at all.
Maybe I'm reading too much into what we had. But there was a time when you told me that you would always love me.
And I believed you.
I can look past all the pain you caused. All the things you did and still do that hurt me so much it feels like I can hardly breathe.
But there are also the good things I remember.
Like how I thought I was going to spend the rest of my life with you. Like how you were my best friend before anything else.
And now, all of those momeents, all of those memories and the good parts of you are all I have left.
It comes and goes in waves you know, missing you.
Knowing that for the longest time, you were the only constant good thing for me and in my life and now all of that is gone.
Now I have parts.
I have some pieces of you but you have more than your share of me and I can't seem to accept that no matter how hard I try.
I have given up on you.
But the you that I miss. The you I still love with every once I have in me, him, I still miss. It's him that I still want.
I could back in time and figure out where it all went wrong, when everything was just about to end, but that would make me a fool.
Living in the past isn't good for anyone. And it would be worse for me because I have already known you and loved you and I can't do that anymore.
It's not the same.
But the the things I left behind with you, those are the things that still hurt me.
Those are the things that I told onto time and time when I think that I have finally forgotten.
First love, real love, you don't get let that go when it's done. Because that's the thing. OUr love is never really going to be done.
No matter how much closure we give one another, no matter how many I'm sorry's are said, no matter what we both know to be true, it's how we feel that matters.
But I hope you're happier now. I hope that you can find someone to love the way that I loved you, the way I still love.
I hope you do great things, and that sometimes soon, I get to hear about them because I'm sure there going to be great.
I don't regret loving you. I couldn't even if I tried.
But I do regret this.
The starting over without you. The knowing that deep down, even though I have let you go, I can't forget you.
That even though I've moved on, I don't think I can ever stop loving you. That much I know. Just remember that what you see and what I say, that doesn't even begin to cover what's really still here.
Because I loved you and lost you. And I'd do it again. If it meant I never had to miss you like this.