We all experience loss throughout our lives.
I lost my father when I was fifteen years old. My dad was the first real loss I ever had to experience. Losing a parent changes you in ways you cannot explain.
Nothing can prepare you for something like this. Death has its own way of robbing you. You never know how close death may be until it grabs ahold of someone that you love and takes them from you.
My world crumbled to a million tiny pieces the day I watched my father take his last breath. The day I lost my dad I not only lost him, but I lost myself.
And with loss comes grief. You know you're not supposed to, but you begin to question God. You begin to become angry at the world and God himself. You want to understand, but you can’t.
And the world around you doesn’t stop for you when you lose someone. You have to find a way to pick yourself back up and keep going.
As much as it broke my heart, I didn’t get to walk across the stage when I graduated and see my dad out in the crowd like many of my classmates did.
I didn’t get to share with him all the colleges I applied to and got accepted in.
And I live knowing he will never get to meet the guy I have fallen in love with and hope to marry some day. Or be there to walk me down the aisle, or even be a part of my wedding day at all.
Losing my father has been the hardest situation I have had to face in life. At first, everyone smothers you in texts, calls, and trying to constantly be there for you.
No one wants you to be alone. But after days, months, and years pass by everyone that was once there for you gets to go on with their lives and can forget while you’re left with the heartache that remains every day.
You’ll find people that have never even experienced the loss of a parent telling you that it will get easier. But it doesn’t get easier. The heartache I felt then is the heartache I still feel today.
You don’t just wake up each day and find that it is getting easier, that’s not how it works. But you do learn to start over again. You find your own way to cope and get through each day and night.
I’ve come to realize that you can’t stay angry at the world and God forever. God has a greater plan than we know and sometimes the greater plans are hard to understand.
But forgiveness is something we all have to learn. I’m still learning to let go.
But what I have already learned is to never take anyone or anything in your life for granted. The ones you love can be taken away from you at any given moment. Learn to love the life you are given while you have it.
Make the best of every day you are given because you aren’t promised tomorrow. You aren’t promised anything. Hug the ones you love just a little tighter every chance you get.
I will carry the loss of my dad around with me every day for the rest of my life, and although it hurts like hell to live in a world without him here, I will still live each day to the fullest and do everything I can to make him proud.
So daddy, when you’re watching over me from heaven just know that everything I do is all for you.