“But I love him.”
“So love him.” “But I miss him.” “So miss him. Send him some love and light every time you think about him, then drop it." - Elizabeth Gilbert: Eat, Pray, Love
Whenever I am in the process of grieving, this quote comes to mind.
And that's what it is—when we go through a break-up—it is grieving. We are grieving the loss of the relationship, we are grieving the absence of the person, and we are grieving for the life that is no more.
It's a process, and you know what? It's necessary.
It's essential that a person takes the time to feel the pain of what is lost. Our friends may not understand, our family may not understand—but they don't need to. It is you who it is affecting, and it is you who deep down recognizes that you are not yet ready to move on.
And, baby, I'm here to tell you that that's OK. There is no rush—take the time that you need.
Your ex may have deeply hurt you. They may have shattered your world and pissed on the remnants. Well fuck 'em but whatever they did to you—you can't change what's passed. You can't change what they did, the mistakes they made. You can't change the time you spent with them, you can't change the way you cared.
You probably still care, and you can't change that either.
You're emphatic. You're loving. Baby, you're right.
You are right to emotionally mourn a person that your heart held so dear - no matter the pain they may have caused you. There is no shame in how you are feeling. It would be wrong not to miss that person.
Take Elizabeth Gilbert's words, "So miss him," and do just that. Sit alone and miss your person with your entire being.
Then, drop it.
But, baby, do drop it.
You won't ever get over this person until you've faced your feelings head on. You may never fully get over this person, but you need to deal with your emotions for your peace of mind—whatever peace of mind you can achieve.
This is for you and your health and happiness.
So go ahead and mourn. You have my permission because goodness, honey, no one else will give it to you.
It's OK. You are OK.
Miss your person. Miss them very hard.
Send them light, love, and happiness, and think fondly of the time spent together.
Then, let those feelings go.
Eventually, you will let them go, too.
For more of Brittany Ann's writing, follow her on her Facebook page.