She knows the feeling of someone walking away. She knows it all too well.
Her life has been riddled with mistakes and worry and that uneasy feeling of unworthiness. She often feels lonely and not good enough. Something she’s working on.
But it creeps up often.
She rarely knows what she wants. She indecisive at her core. She’s wild and untamed and sometimes can’t see two steps in front of her.
But when she looks at you, she see’s everything she’s ever wanted and more. She see’s perfection in every imperfection you see within yourself.
She see’s someone who can make her laugh, and someone she can make laugh in return.
She feels safe and easy – like she can actually breathe for once. And has no desire to find someone else.
That doesn’t mean there aren’t things she sees within herself that might make you walk away. That there aren’t moments she has to tell herself to take a breath and a step back.
Because she’s afraid you see her as too lost, too uncertain or too broken to ever be a viable place for your heart.
Even though you have become the certainty in her world.
The part that actually makes sense and doesn’t have her stressed out.
She’s afraid because, for once, she’s found someone who takes each awkward, “too much” and drunken moment in stride. Someone who hasn’t walked away during times others have.
Someone who accepts her apology for being annoying, by telling her she has nothing to apologize about. A simple statement that calms her heart. A statement that tells her that being herself is okay.
And even though you haven’t walked yet, it doesn’t mean she isn’t terrified that time is coming. And it will be her fault.
She doesn’t want to scare you away. You have no idea how hard she tries to make sure you have your space. To make sure you have all the independence you need at such a fragile point in your relationship.
She’s trying. More than you probably know.
But it gets hard. Because she wants to spend time with you, she doesn’t want to spend nights alone.
She wants to spend them next to you in a cuddled mess, and feel your arms wrapped around her.
Safe and sound.
And it’s more than anything physical and everything that goes on under the sheets. It’s the connection, the idea that someone for once actually enjoys having her around.
Enjoys her despite her sometimes “too much” behavior.
That’s why she would do anything, go anywhere, be anything you needed her to be.
Now she won’t compromise who she is and what she deserves, but she’s at a point in her life where she can create it with whomever and however she wants. A life she is in love with.
And she wants nothing more than for you to be a part of it.
So, remember this when you’re thinking about her or feeling like she’s holding on a little too tight - she’s not too much, she’s not needy, she’s just scared.
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