I lost myself constantly trying to please everyone. I found myself living in everyone’s shadow without a clear description of what I had to offer, merely because I never thought that what I had was good enough.
I lived through validation and never quite accepted that I was different because being different meant living outside of the box, which society never seemed to praise.
I lost myself making everyone else a priority while I was stuck being an option and actually being okay with that.
I was so consumed with the thoughts of others that I often forgot about myself and what I needed. I kept putting myself on the bench and letting other play the game. Watching other people score goals while I remain stagnant and being their biggest supporters without allowing myself to attempt to play the game differently.
Life was constantly a struggle, not because of what I was experiencing but because I made it that way by overthinking every single situation. There are so many past events that I wish I could change but when I look back, I am thankful for those events.
I looked back and I finally realized that I was lost…
Lost in a life that I was not leading, a life filled with the validation of others rather than the acceptance of myself.
I was lost in a world where I tried so hard to fit in because I was scared to stand out.
A life where others played the buttons of the controller that I plugged in.
But I don’t regret it… because it was through losing myself that I found myself.
It was through the constant validation of others that I learned to not care about what others had to say. I learned to become my own voice, live my own dream and be who I never knew I was capable of being.
I found myself through the hurt and brokenness experienced by those I once trusted with my controller. I learned to put myself first regardless of what others expected and never looked back again.
I never imagined that finding myself would cause much of a loss but with every new chapter comes an ending.
Finding myself never comes to an end, it just begins to strengthen over time. You learn new things about yourself and others. You learn who to trust and who benefits from your misery.
Life is unpredictable but so are we. We find ourselves at the midst of losing others because we realize that we have more to offer than what others limit us towards.
I believed that having a companion was fulfilling or even having more than a handful of friends, until I realized that the only person I really needed was myself in the end.
I lost myself trying to please everyone else. Now I’m losing everyone else while finding myself.