Admit it - it isn't easy growing up a girl and growing up in a world where we're expected to be something we're not? Impossible. It's like society has us by the wrist and is pulling us in whichever direction it seems fit. We branch out when the time feels right, but sometimes it's just like a whirlwind of emotions.
As a girl, our emotions are all over the place anyhow, we need no extra help at making life twist and turn and un-spiral uncontrollably. Once a month (at least) we hop on the Moody Express and take a week-long trip to Emotionally Unstable Town. But what happens when this trip exceeds it's booked time and well over-stays it's original not-so-welcome visit?
Honestly, it's hard to know for yourself what exactly happens. Maybe it's because you're so overwhelmed with an excess of emotions that you're drained in every aspect possible. Or maybe it's because you're like jekyll and hyde - content and smiling one second and the next depressed, down and confused.
How can one person possibly flip through so many emotions all at once and revert back to these emotions within a 24-hour period? It doesn't seem possible nor does it seem normal. Flipping from happy to mad isn't anything out of the ordinary, but happy to mad to happy to sad to happy to depressed to happy all over again...what even is this?
You search continuously for the right words to describe what you're feeling and what's going on inside of you that's got you all flustered and acting like an insane maniac. But nothing. Nothing seems to find it's way, and what does doesn't even make sense or come close to what's happening. You honestly have no idea what's going on, what you're thinking, how you're feeling, or what type of person you're portraying.
The only thing you know is that things aren't right and you wonder where the you that you know got taken off to. It's obvious that something isn't right, because well, you're lashing out at literally nothing and the one's around you aren't idiots.
Eventually at some point you reach a place of wanting to run away from yourself, but you can't so the only thing you know is to drown in your own confused and emotional misery. You know that no one wants to be around you at these moments (or at least that's what your mind is telling you) because I mean why would they anyway? It's then that you unconsciously begin pushing those closest to you away.
It's not until the one person that can speak to you unlike any other comes to you - that you take a step back and see the bigger picture. You literally have no idea what is wrong with you and you try and express this, but from the outside looking in, it's hard to believe.
You finally reach a point where you open up and express your thoughts, concerns, and feelings. Sometimes this works, sometimes it doesn't. It's a game no one can predict honestly. Things get under your skin and you keep them bottled up every once in a while, and that's okay. But questioning who you are and what you're all about takes a little bit longer to distinguish. Especially when it seems like nothing satisfies your happiness.
You aren't unhappy - that's the thing. You're simply just a little deeper into your emotions than typical. You're extra sensitive, extra fragile, and extra needy. And that's a-okay.
We all get a little lost sometimes.