I’ve always been more of a listener than a talker and tried harder to fit in than to stand out. I just wanted to just be present and not be noticed. I didn’t want all the attention on me, ever.
And that was fine for a while, I didn’t mind it. I decided it was better to just agree than to cause conflict. But being that person was never a contract to the people in my life that I would never change. It was never a promise that I’d never break out of my shell and start standing up for myself.
So I started growing up and learning about myself and I realized that I have a voice and I’m tired of it not being heard.
I stopped being afraid of speaking up about what I wanted and what I cared about. In doing this, I realized that an insane amount of the people I was surrounding myself with were using me for my pushover personality.
The painful truth was that these people I was spending all of my time with didn’t care about anything more than themselves. I was so blinded by trying to fit in that I realized I was constantly with people who stand for completely different things than I do.
I was dedicating all of my time to people who turned on me as soon as I challenged them in any way. As soon as they saw me as competition in class or for boys’ attention or for being the life of the party they didn’t need me around anymore.
All these pathetic girls wanted out of me was someone to make them look better. And I’m disgusted with myself that I was ever that person for anybody.
I’ll never be that person in anyone’s life, ever again. I honestly don’t care if anyone liked who I used to be better, because I love who I am now and I will never change for somebody else.
The only explanation I have is that I grew up. I found myself. And if you don’t like it, I hope the door doesn’t hit you on your way out of my life.