It probably wouldn’t have taken me a year, but unfortunately for me, I let you drag me around. I let you pull the life out of me and attempt to mould what was left of me into who you thought I should be. Somehow, I let you take the strong, independent woman that I wanted to be, and turn her into a vulnerable shell of a girl. And I excused it as love.
The emotional scarring you left on my heart and soul will take time to heal. That’s not something I had expected. I didn’t expect to walk around feeling your memory everywhere I went. I didn’t expect that I would wake up aching for what we once had. But that’s exactly what happened.
Let me set this straight, I don’t miss you. I miss who I thought you were. I miss the comfort, the closeness, and the togetherness. But never once since I walked away have I actually missed you.
The way you thought a relationship should work was childish and selfish. The way you treated me was disgusting and toxic. You were toxic. I gave up time with my friends and family for you. I allowed you to pick the parts of me you liked and throw away the rest. It took me way too long to realize that isn’t love. But I guess when you have an idealist's heart you try to make it work no matter how much it hurts.
For what it’s worth, I am sorry. I’m sorry I couldn’t be what you wanted. But you were what I needed. I needed you to destroy me in order to show me what I’m truly worth. And now I know, I deserve so much more than what you were willing to give. And never again will I compromise everything I am for a boy who won’t even compromise on what music we listen to. I will never again allow someone to take everything I am when he won’t even give me half of who he is in return.
I’m done trying to force a relationship where one shouldn’t exist. And for as much pain as I went through with you, I don’t hate you. I could never hate you. I would be lying if I said I did. You were, at one point, everything I thought I wanted and exactly what I needed. I needed to date you, the person who was so completely wrong for me, because without you, I would have never discovered exactly who I am and what I want to be. I learned more from you than I learned from any other relationship, even if I had to suffer for it, I’m glad it happened. And now, I’ll take the time I need to leave what memory I have left of you behind.