Sometimes a woman has a thick spine because she has had to learn the harsh reality of living on her own. She knows that sometimes women have people they can lean on, and perhaps she found it in her friends or immediate family. But that is not always the case. Society has a way of making strong women feel like that if they ever have been on their own they are incapable of loving, incapable of living, and incapable of being true to herself.
But see it is not the true reality out there for a lot of us. Some of us have had to figure out life on our own, not because we wanted to, but because we had to. And we had to figure out how to move through life and what it looked like to love, sometimes without the ability to do just that.
And so we had to adapt. And so we had to learn. And we realize we can be difficult to love.
But I will do my best to tell you how you might love a girl who is used to being on her own...
She will want someone who understands she had to grow up early. She will want you to look at her not as a little girl but as a woman who went through a lot to get to where she is now. It is not that she doesn't believe you don't trust in her, it is just that she needs someone in her life who constantly shows her that.
She will miss her life the way it was before. Perhaps she will carry memories of a time where she felt more support in her life from those she still loves, even if she don't always show it. Let her grieve them in her own way. Be there with her when she feels like her strength is fading.
She might not want to speak of what she has been through right away. She might not speak of anything she as been through at all. The moment she is able to look at you and talk about her life is like - you will realize you've been given the hugest of rewards. Own that and listen to her as she shares.
She will be independent. She will remind you she doesn't need help all the time. But take the time to build on the relationship you have so when she is ready to ask for help, you are right there. I promise you, that in time she will ask more, and it will be worth it.
She became independent because she had to be. She raised herself, and she had to live in a world where others might have had a family but she wasn't always so lucky. Step back when the times calls, but be ready when she needs someone to lean on.
She will fear that she will be alone forever. She will fear people who she brought close might decide she isn't worth their time anymore. She needs someone who will love her for being alone for so long. She needs someone committed to understanding that someone's being alone for so long means she needs to learn all over again.
She will be complicated to love. But she will be worth the love you have to give. She might not know what it means to be in a union with someone else. Love her, and remind her. She will need you, even when she says she doesn't. She doesn't mean to show you she doesn't love you - it's just she was used to being alone for so long.
Just know she is a force to be reckoned with because of all she has had to be endured. And although she was on her own for a while. You are in her life, and she is learning what it means to be anything but on her own...
She loves you with everything she has...
And though it might not be easy. Though you might have to adjust a little bit... loving a girl who has been on her own will be a challenge. But I urge you to love her and remind her she isn't alone any longer with you by her side.
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