Sometimes, I feel like I can physically feel my heart tearing apart as I think about where our “friendship” is now.
I think we both failed to be there for each other and that broke us.
But come on, you were so quick to make me the bad guy, but when did you ever ask yourself why I did what I did?
Oh wait, you didn't.
I started pulling away because my heart was sinking and I didn't know how to handle the moods swings and sadness I was feeling. Maybe I was depressed but whatever it was, it had nothing to do with you.
I was affected by my moods and I didn’t know how to talk to you about it nor did you try to understand why I was becoming so distant.
You accused me of lying about what was happening with me, but I never did. I was just not expressive enough about my emotions. I didn't know how to let you in, and I think I finally understand why.
I did try to talk to you about it, multiple times, but you either threw the "you're not trying." or "you make it worse for yourself" line at me. That was harsh, it hurt and pushed me away. It felt like my efforts to express my feeling were not good enough for you. You weren't there for me unconditionally.
I had reached the point where it felt like you just wanted to fix me, and in the worse possible way, but I wasn't broken. Maybe depressed but not broken.
I was not the best at letting you in but you were not the best at trying to understand me. A friendship can't be sustainable like this and so it slowly withered.
All I ever wanted was for you to understand, and for us to be okay, but I realize that is just a fantasy because we just don't know how to be there for each other, we’re just not on the same page and we were never going to be. I just have to understand that some friendships are not meant to last.
That's a hard pill to swallow because I still care, but eventually, I'll get over it.