I've been alive for 24 years, so why was I only apart of your life for 12 of those years?
What did I do for you to not want a relationship with me? You walked out on the family when I was 12, divorced my mother and started your own life. I've struggled with it ever since. Why am I not enough for you?
You talk to my brother, and you will talk to my sister here and there when we all can get together, and then there's me...the baby of the family who literally just gets a "hi, how are you" and that's it and maybe a kiss on the cheek when you leave if I'm lucky.
It's funny, looking back on it all, I always wished you would be there. Now, I could careless. You hurt me so badly and it's like you don't even care. The fact that you could so easily walk away from us, it hurt me more than anything.
The worst part? I can't even call you, I can't talk to you at all, because your girlfriend gets mad. It's ridiculous, does she expect you to have no relationship with us? I mean, I have no relationship with you as it is. I'm your "daughter" but I'm not your daughter.
I used to always fantasize about my wedding day, how you would walk me down the isle. How you would give me away to the guy I marry, we would have butterfly kisses be our daddy/daughter dance, you would tell me how you were so proud of me.
All of that was just a dream, a dream that will never happen. How can it? I barely know you and you barely know me now. Mom tells you how I am, she tells you how I do in school, but you don't actually talk to me. I'm surprised we had an actual conversation on your birthday.
You don't know my boyfriend, did you know I've been with him since I was 19? I'm 24 now, that's 5 years we've been together. Did you know that he shows me what REAL love is? His father walked out on him just like you did, but his mother raised him to treat a woman with respect.
He spoils me dad. He loves me for who I am, no matter my past or how much I screw up. He sees the hurt in my eyes when I talk about you. I'll tell him I wish you guys could get to know each other, since he knows much of the family, but not the guy who should be important in my life.
You left me when I was 12, and because of it I've always had major trust issues. I've always been scared of guys because they hurt me just like you did, they didn't love me just like you. It's hard when the person who should love you the most doesn't.
I'm sorry I'm not perfect dad. I'm sorry that you don't know how to be a dad. You are my father by blood, I even get told by people who know you that I look like you. It's pretty crazy. I used to get told that as a kid, did you know that?
It's hard dad, I really wish we could have that father/daughter relationship most kids have. I wish I could go to you for my problems, especially with guys, I wish you would of been one of those dads who said "you hurt my little girl, I'll hurt you" and be so protective.
Sadly, you are just one of those dads who just doesn't care. I've had to learn to accept that, so if you ever decide you want a relationship, it might be too late. I tried for years to make it work. I don't have fight left in me anymore daddy. Yeah, I said daddy.
You want to know how I really feel? I feel like the worst daughter ever. I feel like there's something wrong with me and that you want nothing to do with me. That has scarred me for life. Mom always tells me though that you just don't know how to be a father to me like you should.
You and Kevin have a bond because he's in the military like you were. Even he tells me it's not worth fixing things with you, because it's not going to change anything. It's sad how even my own brother knows you don't really care for me.
If you ever pass away, I'll admit I'd miss you, you are my father after all, but, you aren't my dad as much as I wish you were. We are related by blood, but a real father would be there. I keep being told I'll regret not having a relationship with you.
How can I regret it when I tried for YEARS to make it work with you? If anything you are the one who should regret missing out on my life. I'm going to school so I can open my own business, I bet you didn't know that did you? Or that I'm trying my best to keep getting good grades so I can transfer to a great 4 year college when the time comes.
You missed out on so much of my life and that bums me out. Sure you saw me graduate high school, but you didn't seem to care much, to you it was "great she's done with that now to deal with college"
I love you dad, I always will, but I'm perfectly okay without you in my life. It took me 12 years to get here. I'm okay with us only talking here and there. I'm okay with only seeing you maybe once a year, but I'm not okay with everyone telling me I need to make up with you, because I'm not doing it.
I will be civil with you but that's it.
I'm sorry dad, I tried, I really did, I just can't keep trying anymore. I tried for 12 years and you didn't try at all, not once, even when I spent weekends with you, it was like it was a chore. You are the reason I've had depression, and some days are rougher than others but I deal with it.
Like I said, I'll always love you, but I'm not as strong as people think I am with you.