I thought that you were the one person who understood me in a way that no one else ever had before. We had so much in common, yet we were still so different...I loved that about our friendship. I loved that I could come to you about anything.
You were my best friend, my rock, my voice of reason, my person...I would've done anything for you.
You were there for me in a way that no one ever was. You were the person who made me start to believe again....you made me believe in myself again.
You gave me hope that there was more out there for me than I had thought. I loved having you by my side and it hurts that I no longer do but I know and understand that sometimes things just don't last.
As much as it hurts to admit, I know that a big reason our friendship fell apart was my own fault.
I was asking for time that I knew you didn't have because I needed you by my side to feel safe. I constantly needed your reassurance, even though I knew it was exhausting for you. Believe me, I always wished I could've stopped begging you for it.
When you couldn't give me what I needed, I pushed you away and shut you out. I was so terrified of being alone that I basically shoved you right out the door before you could walk out of it and leave me behind. That's on me.
I need you to understand why though, I need you to know the things I've never told you.
When you're raised to believe you're a burden that no one wants around, it's not the easiest thing to let someone in and act like a normal person about it. I struggle with that every single day of my life.
It's something I work on that I couldn't just change overnight. So I got scared because I'm used to people walking away and leaving me behind. I'm so used to it that my defense mechanism has become the horrible habit of pushing people away as soon as I feel any fear that they might leave.
So that's why I did it. And this is something that I don't think you could fully ever understood and that's okay. I never told you, and you shouldn't have had to guess.
I shouldn't have expected you to know what to do, and I'm so sorry I couldn't just open my heart up to you.
I'm so beyond hurt that you made your own assumptions and you didn't just ask. You never once tried to see things from my side, you just assumed I was guilty and never looked back. It hurts me more than I could ever explain in words.
I'm paralyzed by the pain that's been inflicted on my heart and I'm crippled by the feeling of missing you.
I'm beyond wounded by the everlasting scars I will forever live with because no one gave me the benefit of the doubt. You just decided that I was guilty and that was that.
As much as I know I'm hard to deal with, I at least thought you would try to talk to me, try to care even just a little bit. I thought you would always be here but I was wrong.
But no matter how much you may have hurt me, I hope you find the happiness I always wanted you to have.