All my life I've believed that I just 'happened' to fall for all the wrong guys. I always date the heartless jerk, not the sweet one who deserves the world. But maybe, just maybe, some part of me knew exactly what I was doing.
Dating the wrong guy was never as intimidating because I knew what to expect from him.
I already knew how it would play out: they were going to hurt me and I never had to worry about being the one hurting someone else. When things ended, I never had to consider the possibility that any of it was my fault.
So, the thought of me trying to love you is terrifying. What if I get hurt? What if I screw up? What if you get hurt and it's all my fault?
I couldn't live with myself if I hurt someone as wonderful as you.
Maybe that sounds like a cop-out, just an easy excuse, but I swear it's the truth. I've gotten so good at forgiving people who hurt me, but I've never been good at forgiving myself for anything at all.
I don't think I can let you fall for me because I can't be responsible for breaking your heart. I can't allow you to take on all of my baggage and let it tear you apart.
Believe me, I'd love to let you convince me that it'll all be okay. I want nothing more than to love you forever. But if I do, I know I'd end up on the other side of an all too familiar situation. Deep down I know how this ends.
It ends in broken, shattered pieces.
It ends in irreversible damage and both of us possibly losing each other altogether. And I couldn't take knowing I destroyed not only you but also us.
You mean too much to me to let this happen. I won't watch it go up in flames.
I'm so sorry, but I promise you're better off without me.
For more from rc, visit her writer's page here.