I date douchebags, not the ones who deserve the world. All my life I've believed that I just fell for the wrong guys, but maybe some part of me was just less afraid of them.
They weren't as intimidating because I knew what to expect from them. I knew they were going to hurt me and I never had to worry about being the one hurting someone else. When things ended, I never had to consider the possibility that any of it was my fault.
So, yes, the thought of me trying to love you is terrifying. What if I get hurt? What if I screw up? What if you get hurt and it is my fault?
I couldn't live with myself if I hurt someone as wonderful as you.
Maybe that sounds like a cop out, just an easy excuse, but I swear it's the truth. I've gotten so good at forgiving people who hurt me but I've never been good at forgiving myself for things.
So I don't think I can let you fall for me. I can't be responsible for breaking your heart. I can't allow you to take on all of my baggage and ruin your beautiful heart.
I want to--believe me, part of me wants to be selfish and just let you convince me that it'll all be okay. But deep down I know how this ends.
It ends in broken, shattered pieces. It ends in irreversible damage and both of us possibly losing each other altogether. And I couldn't take knowing I destroyed not only you, but us.
You mean too much to me to let this happen. I won't watch it go up in flames. I'm so sorry, but I promise you're better off this way.
For more from rc, visit her writer's page here.