You may or may not have heard of the “5 love languages.” This is a book by Gary Chapman that has been really popular among couples and, of course, therapists.
It sounds incredibly cheesy, but it’s actually an essential read.
It’s important to understand how different people communicate differently. You may express your feelings one way while your partner expresses his or hers another way.
You might feel underappreciated and unloved if your partner is communicating these feelings in a language you don’t understand.
And they might feel frustrated in return if they feel like they’re doing all the right things and you just aren’t getting it.
Understanding these differences can help strengthen your relationship. If you recognize what your partner needs from you and vice versa, it’s so much easier to meet those needs.
We tend to think our partners should just know what we expect. But it’s totally unrealistic. No one is a mind reader!
So what’s your love language?
1. Words of Affirmation
Actions don’t always speak louder than words. If this is your preferred language, then you need to have things vocalized to you.
You feel love through compliments and admissions of love. Hearing the words ‘i love you’ is going to mean more to you than a simple gesture.
You need to hear the reasons behind this love. You tend to really only understand how your partner feels if he or she can express these feelings to you out loud.
And because you’re so focused on specific words, negative words or insults tend to seriously harm you and leave you feeling broken and unloved.
2. Acts of Service
If this is your language, then you tend to understand love through nice gestures and actions. Maybe you don’t feel like cleaning the house and your partner offers to do it for you.
The little things your partner does to help you out will mean the most to you. You’ll feel their love through these little acts.
You’ll appreciate the sentiments behind these gestures more than any words he or she might say.
On a similar note, laziness and broken promises tend to make you feel unimportant and neglected.
3. Receiving Gifts
This might be your love language if you appreciate surprise gifts the most. You feel the most loved when your partner shows up with a rose or sends you a little love note out of the blue.
People of this language are often misinterpreted as being materialistic, but it isn’t about the physical gifts.
If this is how you perceive love, then you value the thoughtfulness and effort behind the gift.
Knowing that someone took the time to find the perfect gift for you means the whole world.
On the other hand, if your partner forgets a birthday or anniversary or any other events, it will crush you.
4. Quality Time
Having your partner’s complete, undivided attention is the most valuable thing you can have. You equate quality alone time together as true love.
You genuinely appreciate when your partner turns off his or her phone and is completely there just for you.
You love having his or her full attention and actually being listened to.
However, you tend to feel devastated if he or she becomes distracted or cancels a date.
5. Physical Touch
This isn’t just about sex. You feel the most loved when your partner does things like hug you or hold your hand.
You feel the safest and the most cherished when you’re physically close to someone.
You appreciate and understand things like a kiss on the forehead or a simple back rub.
If your partner lacks this physical presence, you are likely to feel insecure and neglected.
So, take some time to understand your love language as well as your partner's. It may just save your relationship!
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