Anyone that has ever been lucky enough to fall in deep, real love is certain to have heard this before; the promises, the I love you’s, the always and forevers, all of it.
That happened to me too, but I wasn’t lucky enough to actually get all of that like so many people do.
Instead, you promised me you would stay, but you left.
We made all of these plans, we had all of these goals and ambitions. We swore we were going to make it work no matter what, but here I am, alone and without you.
I am left to try and understand how someone can tell you that they love you every single day, over and over and over again, but leave as if the love never existed.
The thing is, love is not a feeling, it is a commitment, but maybe you didn’t understand that.
Maybe your promises were only “made” and said at the times that were convenient for you. Maybe they were said because you knew that those sweet lies would make me stay.
Or maybe they were said because at the end of the day, you really truly did believe we would make it, but you came to find that it wasn’t what you wanted anymore.
Regardless of the situation, when you said forever, I really thought that that’s what you meant. I thought that you wanted to work through things come hell, or high water.
I thought that our love was worth so much more than calling it quits when times got tough.
I thought so many things that are now so clearly and completely not true and it hurts.
Now, hearing the words forever make my heart ache. They make my stomach sink. They make me want to run and hide and never come out until I am emotionally and mentally okay.
You ruined the promises and not just for you, but for whoever else makes them to me and actually means them.
I know that he is not you, but some things are psychologically damaging to a person. Some things cause damage that takes time to heal and recover from.
I wish one thing for you; whoever you make those promises to next, make sure that you actually mean them.
Make sure that before they plan their whole life around you that they know whether you actually mean what you are saying, or if you are just saying it to say it.
Words take a toll on so many people and especially ones that were supposed to alter a life for the better, but instead made it so much worse.
I won’t lie and say that I am looking for someone who means those words because right now, I am not. Right now, I am healing.
Right now, I am trying to understand how someone could be so cruel.
But right now, I am also hoping you recover as well because although we may not speak anymore, I know that it had to take a toll on you too.
As human beings, we are not wired to hurt others. We have a conscious and we know what is right from wrong.
I can’t even imagine the kind of guilt that you must be dealing with and if there isn’t any, then you must have done so much damage to your conscious that there is no feeling at all.
Whatever it may be, the hope that one day I will recover and be able to find someone who actually means those words that I won’t push away and that I will believe is what keeps me going.
You may have hurt me, but I won’t let it hurt another beautiful human being. I won’t let it control me anymore.