From the beginning I knew you weren’t as religious as me and I wanted to ignore it. I thought I could overlook it or change that or bring you to Christ. I even felt like I was close when you told me that you were sure there was a God out there because he gave you someone like me.
But there were warning signs everywhere. I tried to get you to come to church with me and you saw it as a chore. Our relationship wasn’t centered around God and that alone would make it fail.
Don’t get me wrong, I wasn’t the best example of a believer. I didn’t make Him the center of my decisions, in fact, I went days without even thinking about Him.
Now I realize that I can’t even go a second without Him.
Maybe there’s someone out there who will lead you to him and the thought of that makes me so happy. Maybe we ended so that I could find Him and eventually help you find Him, too.
Or maybe I’m meant to meet someone who pushes me toward Him even more than I could on my own.
Despite all that, the only thing I’m certain of is that our relationship would have never worked, whether it lasted another week, month, or year, without God at the center it would have eventually fallen apart.
There were so many things that would have been fixed or avoided had we lived our lives trying our best to emulate Him. There would have been more compassion and less blame, more understanding and more appreciation of each other.
But, thats something I’ve learned for my next relationship and I wish I could tell you these things, because truly we both deserved better from each other.
I want to apologize for the times when my fuse was too short or I was too focused on what you were doing wrong. For the times I didn’t give you the love and affection that you needed and for all of the times that I unintentionally hurt you.
These things weigh heavily on my conscience and I wish we were still speaking so I could tell you all of this, but I don’t want to reach out and upset you if you’re still trying to move on.
In a way, I’m scared because I don’t know what to expect from you, maybe one day I’ll get the courage to say this to you, but for now I think it’s best kept to myself.