I haven’t found song lyrics that spoke to me the way that these do in Taylor Swift and Zayn’s new hit "I Don't Want to Live Forver" for the 50 Shades Darker movie, in a long time.
Isn’t this exactly how we feel when we break up with our toxic love? The person that we so undeniably loved so passionately but also brought us on a whirlwind of an emotional rollercoaster.
It’s kind of hard to wrap your head around which of these two things actually happened.
Did I dodge a bullet losing you?
Did I just so happen to get really lucky that you left? Did I just so happen to get a way out of this sh** storm that I wasn’t going to leave on my own?
Am I lucky that your chaos is now going to become someone else’s?
I’m not sure. I’m not sure because at the same time that I am caught up in hating you for all of those things that you did- that unfortunately, doesn’t make me love you any less.
So does that I mean I just lost the love of my life?
I don’t know. Do we only get one love our life? Can there be multiple?
Is it true that someone who is a soul mate may not actually be the person that you are supposed to end up with?
These thoughts are left circling my mind, constantly. Is it possible that I actually could have done both of these things?
Maybe I did dodge a bullet, but maybe I also did lose the greatest love that I have ever known.
I don’t think the answer to this will ever be clear. I don’t think one day I will wake up with a clear head knowing what should have or should not have been.
Right now, all I know is that it’s not supposed to be you and me. Maybe just not for right now, maybe forever.
Right now, I did dodge a bullet because you are wrong for me.
But not for a second will that downplay the way I loved you. Not for a second will that downplay that I didn’t believe you were the love of my life.
So right now, I can’t have that answer.
Right now, I have to make peace with the fact that you and I cannot be. You and I were not healthy. You and I were toxic.
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