I know that we tried the best we could, to make this whole thing work. And I know that even after all the mess had been made, we both still loved one another.
Never has that been a doubt.
But I want you to know something important.
I was already gone.
You lost me long before I walked away. And when I look back on it now, I don't know if you just didn't want to say it out loud, or if you thought I would have waited forever.
Waited for you to be good, waited for you to see the value of what you had in me.
And you kept trying to get me back, to lead me right back where this all started. And for a while, I didn't know where to go.
So I went back to you.
Time and time again. Because I thought that time would help. That distance would help.
That all of these things, they could somehow fix the problems.
But you never changed.
And I know that I let you do this to me, even though all I wanted was for you to set me free. I know that I made my share of mistakes.
But the difference is, I owned up to them.
I knew I was wrong, and I didn't let the fear of having to say it, break us.
And you did.
So yeah, I really am leaving, I really am moving on. I don't need to talk anymore.
I don't need you to explain, just one more time, how all of this is going to be different. I don't need to look you in the eyes to know that you are still the same.
I don't know if you'll ever change, but I hope that you do.
I hope you grow up one day, and try to undo the damage that you've done, and understand that some things, you don't get to try again.
Life isn't about reruns, it's abut learning and growing from the past, something that you haven't mastered yet.
I want the best for you, but I know that somewhere deep down inside, you still want me. And I'm sorry for that.
I'm sorry I know better than to go back to the person who broke me, the person who kicked me when I was down.
I'm really sorry it took you so long to figure all of this out, because if you could have just known then what I think you're learning now, maybe that could have saved us.
But that's all over and gone now, and I've never been one to hold onto the past. Because that's all that you are now.
A picture, a memory, almost like a dream.
But you can't play with my heart anymore. Not now and not like you have so many times before. It's not that I don't still care, it's only that I can't.
I can't allow you to keep controlling me. I've been under your thumb for so long, and now that I've come up for air, I see it all a little more clearly.
And I've started to like the look of myself without you weighing me down. Without you pulling me back down.
It's so much more than you taking me for granted. And it's so much more than me loving you more than I loved myself.
It's more that finally, it's the right time to say goodbye. And mean it.
You have trapped me for so long, I forgot that I was doing just fine before you, and I'm going to be just fine without you.
It just took me a little while to see just how bad this was, and how bad you were for me.
I know that you'll still try and be there, even in the smallest ways, and for that, I want to thank you. But I just want you to remember how good this was from the start, and how much of a bad thing you made it.
You did that. Not me.
So now, all I want is you gone. Finally and forever. You can't hold onto to me anymore because I'm too far gone.