The nice girl. She's everyone’s best friend. She's the one anyone can always rely on when it comes to most things. She’s the one who never says "no."
And while these qualities make a good friend, even a good girlfriend, girls who are too nice struggle to get past the “just talking phase” of a relationship.
Even though everyone says "just be yourself," she’s left wondering, "is it me?"
If the nice girl can tell you anything, it’s that she gets hurt more than she lets on. And she cries more than anyone knows.
So we can either let this cycle continue or we can alter our behavior and change, from doormat to dreamgirl.
1. Everyone is playing games, if you don’t join, you’ll lose every time.
“But I don’t play games.”
I’ve said it. I’ve heard it. And anyone who has this mindset is the one who gets played in the end... Every. Damn. Time.
It’s the little things that are important, especially in the beginning. Don’t seem to eager. Don’t make him think you haven’t dated in a while. Your job is to make him at least believe that you're a hot commodity... even if the only men you’ve spent the last couple of Friday nights with is Ben and Jerry.
Play coy. Make him sweat a little. Don’t answer him right away. Don’t cancel plans to appease him. If it’s a game you are playing, and a game you wanna win, value yourself enough to not make it easy.
2. Over kindness is viewed as weakness in men’s eyes.
“She’s too nice for me.” “I just see her as a friend.” “There’s no chemistry.”
Things ending and someone telling you "you’re too nice" is the greatest backhanded compliment you can receive. Guys like challenges. Guys like a mystery. Guys like being put in their place sometimes.
If you want to avoid the friend zone, stop being so damn nice. Guys like to see how much they can get away with. They are like children. They test the waters and continue to step further and further until they get yelled at.
But the nice girl lets them keep going and going, and not only doesn’t stop them, but encourages bad behavior or mistreatment. If someone, even for a moment, doesn’t treat you with respect it shows you don’t respect yourself. You don’t have to put so much effort into things. Stop trying.
3. You don’t have to be mean, but you don’t have to keep being nice.
“Jumping through hoops has a negative outcome; he sees it as an opportunity to have his cake and eat it too.” -Sherry Argov
Gestures are appreciated, but eventually, you’ll get taken for granted. And the longer it goes on, the less guilty they'll feel about it.
Don’t lift a finger. Don't pay. Don't do errands. Don't cook. He's old enough to do that himself. And if someone isn’t kind, you don't owe them anything. Walk away.
Be kinder to yourself than you are others. I don’t care how selfless you are, it’s time to start being selfish.
4. You don’t need to play every good card you’ve been dealt at first.
The nice girl makes the mistake of putting it all out there and revealing everything about themselves.
She knows she has a lot to offer and has a great deck of cards, but any good card player knows how to play them correctly. The nice girl plays them all at once and hopes for the best. Confident girls play them smart.
5. Make him work.
Relationships are work. And the harder you make him work, the more of a prize you’ll seem in his eyes.
A nice girl will be wrapped around his finger, but a confident girl has him jumping through hoops. Guys like what they can’t have. If you ignore a text or wait hours to answer, they aren’t gonna forget about you. In fact, they’ll think of you more. They are gonna wonder what you are doing, more than that, who the heck you're doing it with.
If it comes easy, it’s probably not worth it. Don’t allow your insecurities to make you settle.
6. Speaking of settling... Don’t.
Guys are lazy. If they can get something without working for it, they will... but it won’t last. That’s why you don’t hear too many love stories starting with, “well we were a one night stand.”
No one seems to trust that feeling in their stomachs when the person they're with isn't good enough, or if they aren’t being treated the way they deserve.
The nice girl ignores those feelings too. But the right girl will walk away before someone even has a chance to disrespect her. She doesn’t tolerate it.
And I’m going to let you in on a little secret, people treat you how you let them. People treat you how you treat yourself.
7. Know when to sleep with him.
“If a man has to wait before he sleeps with a woman, he’ll not only perceive her a more beautiful, he’ll also take the time to appreciate who she is.” -Sherry Argov
You owe him nothing. Giving him your time is the only thing you should be giving up, until he proves he deserves more. Insecure girls will sleep with guys immediately and think that it will make him stay. Confident girls know to keep him around by leaving her pants on... at least for a while.
8. Let him chase you as long as you can.
Guys love it. They don’t get tired of running after you.
There is a reason you are more attracted to the ex that dumped you. There’s also a reason he looks hotter when he’s single. We all want the things we can’t have. Even if you are crazy about this guy and talking to your friends every five seconds about him, don’t let him know that.
You’re still playing a game, and it’s a game you don’t wanna lose because it ends with heartbreak.
9. Don’t overdo the emotion thing. It’ll scare him.
“Men don’t respond to words they respond to no contact.” Sherry Argov
“But I was just being nice.”
Yes, you might have been. You might have showered him in compliments and said too much, too nice is another word for crazy.
Confident girls always appear calm, cool and collected. Insecure girls will throw an abundance of emotions his way and think it looks flattering, but in reality, it’s the first red flag, that silently screams to him, "run faster."
10. And if you already have made these mistakes, move on.
Once you get labeled as crazy, it’s really hard to bounce back from that.
Put down your phone. He probably won’t hit you up.
Mourn the loss of what could have been something great, and move on. It sucks sometimes, but every relationship makes you better for the next one. And when you move on and don’t think about him, he may come back, because you’re no longer available and now you seem more appealing.
I know what it’s like to be too nice, but I also know what it’s like to get tired of getting fucked over left and right.
You don’t need to change and turn into some bitch, but do yourself a favor and save every gesture and all the kindness you possess, for your friends and family who deserve it.
Because in the game of dating, if you wanna win, doing it kindly isn't the answer.
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