So you just had sex for the first time in your life.
Congratulations! We're so proud of you!
Especially me. But wait, you probably have a ton of questions right now and the biggest one might be... "Did I do everything right?"
You did what you could with what you knew, and that's most important.
But darn, don't you wish someone had been around to tell you about these eight things before losing your V-card?
1. There are no do-overs: You did it, the deed is done. There's really no turning back now. It. Happened. Trust me, I wanted to take back all of the five minutes my first-time experience actually lasted.
But it's okay though! Because now you'll be fully prepared for the second time around, and a definite pro by the third! Fingers crossed.
2. Wear "extra" deodorant: You'll think those few glides of Dove Go Fresh deodorant are enough to do the trick, but consider a few more strides. Because if you happen to end up "doing it" the right way, then you're definitely going to get sweaty. I'm talkin', "I'm A Slave 4 U" sweaty, okay!
Now that I think about it, you might as well swipe that thing over your whole body. Yes, there too.
3. Don't talk too much: You're having sex, and because this is the first time your body is responding to another in this sort of way, naturally you're having a difficult time containing all the feels you're feeling right now. Totally normal, totally understood.
Buuuttt! You're probably killing the vibe with all the chatter. So if your lover is telling you "Shhhh!" and not in a sexy, Fifty Shades of Grey sort of way, then you probably should.
4. Clean your room beforehand: Excuse me, but how do you plan to get your freak on with that Pizza Hut box underneath your bed? Oh and don't think they won't smell the mildewy clothes pouring out of your closet.
Chop chop! It's almost showtime!
5. There will be blowjobs: Ahh, the inevitable BJ. Someone's either giving or receiving it. And yes, my friend, it will be unpleasantly weird. No matter how hard you try, you're always doing it wrong.
You'll want to brush your teeth immediately after it's over, and if you're lucky, he'll finish quickly.
6. Don't take it too seriously: It is meant to be fun the first time around, special even. I mean, you want it to be good but not "the best you've ever had." Because you don't even know what that is like (yet). I know, "Why not the best?!"
You're going to have this experience more than once in your life so don't stress yourself out with how to perform when the moment arrives.
7. Know your role: It's uncomfortable enough not knowing exactly what to do on your first time, but what's even more perplexing is understanding your role. There are so many different charlie-horsing positions you may not be familiar with, so you'll want to do some stretches beforehand.
8. Watch a porn flick first: You shouldn't be embarrassed about watching a porn flick to prepare you for the big moment, because really, everyone should be doing it. I'm not trying to endorse the act of porn-watching but I sort of, kind of am.
Better safe than sorry, right?
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