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Choosing Color

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I’m scared and I’m sad. I’m one of a million in this state of mind. I keep reminding myself that this is a state that will change and one day I’ll wake up feeling super human and defeat these dark blues. That the headache that started in April of this year won’t last past summer or continue into a new year. The deep truth to all this is that it could and that the blue may get lighter but it will stay forever in every ones memory. This can take a toll for people like myself who let their minds live and their dreams breathe in the future. I want a clear ending, I want the fear and stress of what could happen to dissipate. No, I want it brutally detached from my peaceful being.

I’m battling on how to compartmentalize how we were and where we are, as a world, a nation, a community, a family. The blue is bleeding through, it’s a deep power that cries in my veins. This depression wants to get out of me, it doesn’t belong in a human body. The only way it can escape is to be aware of it and communicate with it. Letting it know that the sadness in the world does not need to be carried by me anymore. The anxieties of tomorrow should not be my focus today. What should I focus on?

The other colors. Red that marches in our hearts. Green that delivers life all around us. Yellow that coexist with the light. Stay focused on the lightest shade of yellow. Breathe it in and let it out. What I let out around me becomes my surroundings. I’m tired of being surrounded by blue and sitting alone in a cold dark place. This world has turned into the deepest blue. It’s begging for its contrast to show up and take its place. 

To the others that feel this heaviness and can’t run away from their own mind. Play with light, dance in it, build yourself up in. The light gives us exposure to the details within ourselves. Details we’ve been hiding from, a world that is desperate for them. It’s the details in people that have made the hard much-needed changes in this world, and we are all waiting for them. I will always remember the dark but I will not choose it. 

Going into the light you instantly become it. It’s wonderfully contagious and hard to break out of once you truly get there. I know this sounds like a metaphor that may not understand the genuine pain of the unique problems we all have. Yes, WE ALL have them. When we universally share a common emotion or thought we can discover new ways to understand them. Good or bad, weak or strong everyone has access to both ends of the spectrum. I want to experience the whole spectrum, the rainbow. A place to know where I can safely feel the blue and at the same time a place to dream in the yellow. Now I understand the place Dorothy longed to go. Now I dream for it to be a place this world can know.


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