Adrianna A., Author at Pucker Mob

10 Things Your Toxic Love Taught Me

Love is complicated, but in the most simplistic way that it is almost incomprehensible. Here are ten things your toxic love taught me.

1. It should be easy.

I always thought I had to work for you to love me…That’s not the true love is something that you give to another person freely without conditions or double standards. You love them simply for who they are nothing less, nothing more.

2. Sacrifice & compromise is a two-way street.

I gave up everything to be with you, I compromised on my family and friends, sacrificed my dreams for your own dreams to be able to come true.

We make sacrifices for the greater good of our relationships. Not for your own selfish agenda.If you both don’t benefit from the choices you make then no one does. You compromise to show compassion not to hold it against them later. there can’t always be a winner and a loser in love.

3. Controlling isn’t protecting.

I use to think how wonderful it was that you would watch out for me all of the time until I realized that you were controlling every aspect of my life.

It is one thing to worry about your significant other and want to protect them from harm, it’s another to decide which friends are good enough for them, how late they can stay out or even what they have on their phone.

If you love someone you let them be free, you are there to observe and support not to regulate and enforce.

4. No one is sunshine and rainbows.

When I had a bad day I never wanted to come home and tell you about it because you always made me feel stupid for feeling upset.

Love someone at their worst. There are going to be times that everyone struggles internally and externally. sometimes the only thing they need to know is that you are going to be there for them and that everything is going to work out in the end.

Everyone’s feelings are valid even if you don’t understand them. As long as you stand by their side there is nothing you can’t do together.

5. The past is the past.

Everyone is someone else’s EX. I loved someone before you, and you punished me for it. If you can’t let go of someone past or even your own, you will never have a future together.

Live for today, and tomorrow doesn’t let yesterday’s worries or insecurities shape your happiness in the future. You can’t go back all you can do is learn from it and move on.

6. Sex is important.

You cheated on me, and your biggest excuse is that you were bored… Sex is half the game people and if you think it’s not then you are naïve because no one walks across the room to hit on you because they can tell how hot your mind is.

It is okay to have your own sexual prerogative to play and have fun and experiment, but communication is key. If you’re too embarrassed to talk about your sexual want and needs or even fantasies with your person then you might as well not get naked at all because bad sex is worse than no sex. Trust in that.

7. I’m not calling you a liar, but you better not lie to me.

You hid so much from me that in the end, I had no idea who you were. Hiding something is the same thing as lying.

If you can’t tell the person you love the truth then you should probably rethink what your version of the truth is. Nothing can damage a relationship more than getting caught in a lie no matter how small or how big nothing beats the truth.

8. The little things.

It was the little things that meant the most to me. Sometimes it’s the little things that really matter in the end. Never forget to ask how someone’s day went, or to take the time to say how proud you are of them. One small gesture can change everything. It’s remembering to pick up milk from the store or holding the door open. All the little things add up in the end.

9. Hold yourself accountable.

it was always easy for you to blame me for your unhappiness or failures but the truth was you are the only one that is responsible for you.

Be accountable for how you show up in your relationship. If you don’t put an effort in then you can’t blame the other person for their lack of.

You create your own reality and if you are having problems it’s a good chance that you are to blame, hold yourself responsible for the energy you put out in the world whether you’re at work or home or in anything you set out to do. Be there and be accountable.

10. Love Yourself First.

I never loved myself I only loved you and that was the biggest mistake I made I lost who I was to love and please you.

How can you even have a concept of how someone else wants to be loved if you don’t love yourself? Be kind to yourself, you are only human and no one is perfect.

Never give up on your own personal growth to please someone else. but if you can’t love your imperfections and be proud then no one else will either.

Confessions of a Runaway Bride.

I was never that I didn’t want him or that I didn’t have love in my heart for him. It was that I was always too content in not being in love with him. I felt bored and predictable and that was something I had never wanted. I had always told myself that it would never satisfy the hunger that grew deep inside me.

I never wanted to be a mother or a bride, I never really liked children even when I was one, and as 6 year old child of divorce I decided very early on that I would never be a Bride. I was more than capable of finding my own ending.

I wanted a life of my own; I wanted adventure and experience. I wanted to stand for something. I had always been wild, it was almost as if the more that I tried to be this lovely young woman, the more attractive the chaos looked. It was something I craved it deep down. I spent years controlling this crave, this deep hunger because he loved me, I wanted to be that sweet girl but mostly I desperately wanted to love him in return.

There are some of us that grow up always wanting to be a bride, or a father and after high school they get married and have kids, buy homes, and the thought of that sounded amazing like a great idea to him. Like something he had always imagined for us.

I was always well behaved, and focused that was the way he liked me after all and I wanted him to like me. He knew a girl like me would never want to be tied up with life that held only satisfaction I couldn't marry just anyone who only felt just feelings of satisfaction for me.

I didn’t want “perfect”.I wanted a love that would swallow me whole. Not a love that would put me in a white dress and promise me the “perfect” Life.

For me that wasn’t enough, that wasn’t what I wanted and I spent so much time hurting him because of that. I wanted to feel more but I also wanted what every woman wanted; love, loyalty, commitment, romance, Our biggest fight was that he loved me so much that he wanted to marry me. I didn’t want to marry him I didn't love him that way. I never did, and everytime he would bring up marriage or kids or love for that fact it pushed me farther away. I never loved him the way he deserved to be loved. I wasn’t satisfied with the life he wanted. He took all the wild things I loved about myself and put them in a box and stored them in the back of the closet. In the end deep down I knew, he knew that we were never meant for forever. It was only a matter of time till I did too.

I wasn't ready to settle down; I didn't know how to be someone's calm and steady. I want someone who will drive into the center of the storm with me and wait for disaster. To him that sounded crazy who would want that?

My only response is me…. But he tried anyways, every day to make me want the life he wanted. He would say I can’t wait to get married or to have babies or how happy his mom would be when we bought our first home. I didn’t want a life that, I needed the chaos of someone just as dark and unusual I was. I wanted to set fires and burn everything to ground, causes romantic disasters with the pearson I loved ,I pictured a different life for myself , not one that is just placed in front of me. Some of us need the dark and unknown wild and passionate love. I wanted to rip everything off the walls and scream.

10 Things Not to Do at This Year's Company Christmas Party!

We all look forward to the Company Christmas party each year, some of us maybe a little too much. But don’t be mistaken by the open bar and twinkle lights you might wake up Monday unemployed!

1.) Just because its Jingle bells does not mean you can be a jezebel. Dress to Impress! It’s okay to want to put on your Christmas best and turn some head at this year’s office party, But let’s remember that what you wore to the club last weekend should stay at the club, keep it classy this year!

2.) Kiss me under the mistletoe. Does not apply to the copy boy this year. I’m sure you all know the story of Alicia Keys and swizz beats… This does not apply here. Do not sleep your way to the top or to the bottom. I don’t know which is worse but keep it in your pants this holiday season.

3.)I know you are feeling the Christmas “spirits.?? let’s not overdo it on the booze this year. Your humiliation and regret will be noted by all of your coworkers. Just because everyone loves drunk Brenda, Doesn’t mean that drunk Brenda will have a job Monday.

4.) You do not need to Rock around the Christmas tree. I know you all think that your dance moves are superior! However, let me tell you… They are not. There is no dignity in becoming the Twerk Master of the office. Just shame.

5.) Do not be a Grinch! We all hate our coworkers at one point or another, but this is not that day to tell them that! The last thing you need is to be on Santa’s bad list this year. Keep it friendly don’t gossip about how drunk Brenda always gets , or how terrible the hot copy boy is at his job leave the drama at home this year.

6.)Grandma was not run over by a reindeer; you hit her with your car. A DUI does not count as a personal day… Get home safe this year.

7.) This is a not so silent night! Do not be anti-social! Do you know what is worse than being the life of the party? Not being the life of the party. you do not want to be caught on your phone the whole night or hiding behind the Christmas tree.

8.) The Holiday Festivities do not need to come home with you! There is no after party… You don’t need to bring the whole HR department back to your one bedroom apartment to continue the party. You will still hate them on Monday.

9.) Spreading The Holiday Cheer is not for your Tinder boyfriend. Think wisely about who you bring to your company party this year. Nothing ends a new relationship faster than introducing them to your boss on the second date.

10.) Leave the Christmas Cookies to Santa. Free food is a given, and I’m sure there will be a lot of it. Your coworkers already see you at the office everyday they don’t need to see you stuffing left overs into your purse this year.

I'm Sorry I'll Never Be Your Forever

Sometimes I sit and wonder if I have missed my chance, I found someone that loves me and I should stay because what if it never gets better than this?

It was never that I did not want them or that I didn’t have love in my heart for that person. It was that I was too content in not being in love with them.

I wanted a life of my own; I wanted adventure and experience. I wanted to stand for something.

There are some of us that grow up always wanting to be a wife or a husband, become parents and after high school/ college they get married and have kids, buy homes.

I’m just not sure that idea will ever appeal to me. In a society that rushes everyone into marriage and procreation it is taboo to not have some sort of general acceptance on this topic.

I never had this general acceptance. I had never wanted a life like that. I never really liked children even when I was one, and as child of divorce I decided very early on that I would never be a Bride.

I’m just not the forever type of girl. I don’t want it. My soul doesn’t crave it. I don’t need someone else’s love to complete me, and I don’t need kids to find meaning in my life and my sexual prerogative is for me alone.

I don’t want a life that is topped out at marriage and kids. I want a love that will elevate me to new heights a love the pushes me to be free and happy.

Not a love that would put me in a white dress and call it forever.

I want to feel more than just satisfaction and content. I can’t function in pure organization I need room to breathe, room to be creative and make mistakes, room to grow without consequence of being tied down to a mainstream agenda like marriage and kids or even monogamy.

I fall in and out of love with people all of the time, I fall in love with places I’ve been, things I’ve experienced and always more deep and wild than ever before.

I also believe in casual sex, and that love has no gender, what is one year out of eighty? That money is something you can’t go anywhere without, but you sure can’t take it where you’re going.

It takes a special kind of person to fight for the things they want out of life and I was born a fighter. I’m attracted to waves, the way they crash into the shore, the pull of the moon.

I too am pulled in different directions all of the time, there are days I want everything and nothing all at the same time, days that I would rather be lost than be found. I can’t pick one not when the options are endless and the fear of not knowing keeps me awake at night.

I don’t need lavish things, materials have never interested me. There so many places I need to be, People to meet and things to see for myself. My desire to be free has pushed me into some pretty amazing people.

People that I could never replace. Everyone you meet brings something different into your life whether they are teachers, lovers, or friends.

Someone can bring something into your life another person can’t and to have what you want for yourself might mean different places, different priorities, different people, and that excites me.

The idea of never having to commit to one thing or one person or one thought, is who I am and I can’t change that.

I just can’t grasp the concept of having to settle my heart. So if forever is what you need. That will never be me.

Feeling Those Fall Vibes.

I feel it in the cold air, the change is happening all around us.

Fall is a time of rebirth to shed your old skin and start fresh. Nothing ever stays the same and here is a chance to open up your mind and heart to the change happening all around you.
It’s okay to let go of those summer vibes and soak in the colors and hope of fall.

Fall to me is a romantic time with tons of opportunity for self growth. Its never to late to tackle that to do list. Or set a new personal best at work or even cozy up and read that book that has been sitting on the shelf all summer long.

Fall is also a time of giving and showing gratitude for the things going right in your life. Hug your loved ones tighter and celebrate the little things more often. whether its garbing a hot coffee with your long lost best friend or spending some extra time with your family.

Let this time be about finding out what you’re made of! Ask that cute girl out or go see that band coming to town next week. Set your self up for new adventures and new people, when opportunity knocks you answer!

Fall brings prospective maybe there is something you can do a little differently in your life. Eat better or get to the gym more, give things more effort. Lend a helping hand or get involved in something that matters to you!

Fall is also a time of reinvention! Get a new due! Change up your style if you want! Lets this fall be all bout you! If it makes you feel good why fight it? Drink Beers and watch football with your friends, dress up and dance this Halloween. Make the best pumpkin pie this Thanksgiving has ever seen! Believe in your self and the work you put out into this world! let the cold weather ,the colors and smells of fall be your inspiration!

You can be or do anything you want.