You Should Never Feel Guilty For Outgrowing A Relationship In Your Life

There are many times in your life when you’ll meet someone and picture them by your side for years to come. You meet someone and you hit it off so well that you don’t ever want to picture your life without them. They make you feel whole in some ways, as though you were missing a piece of yourself and had never realized it wasn’t there until they walked into your life. They make you see brighter colors, clearer skies, really and truly feel the moments of pure and genuine happiness. It doesn’t necessarily have to be a romantic relationship. Often times, you can exhibit these emotions and feelings in genuine friendships in your life, not always with someone of the opposite sex and someone you are dating.

While meeting people who make your world feel bigger and better is a universal human experience, growth is as well. In life, we all wish to grow into better people. We’d hope, and most of the time we are, growing to become better versions of who we were in the past. No one truly stays stagnant in life. We change and we become different people as we go through different things, different phases of our lives. It’s inevitable. You won’t be the same person you were as a teen when you grow into adulthood. So, it makes sustaining relationships sometimes a bit, difficult.

When you meet someone when you’re young, you have a particular set of wants, needs, and standards that are set in place for that particular time period in your life. And, as you grow older, these may change. You may want different things out of people growing up. You may think you want to be with someone forever when you’re younger, but as you get older, you realize you are feeling unfulfilled, or as though something else is missing in your life. This isn’t something to be ashamed of or something that should be made out to be a problem – it’s just something that happens naturally in life.

There have been times in my life where I have outgrown friends and romantic partners and at the time, I felt guilty for ending things for the sake of my own sanity or my own desires. It’s like a gut-wrenching pain you feel when you’re hurting someone else, and you don’t wish to ever cause them pain. Outgrowing relationships doesn’t mean you don’t love someone, it just means you don’t want to settle for something and regret it or hurt someone even more later down the road. But, the initial struggle of having to walk away for something you have invested time and effort into while knowing the other person still feels the brighter colors, all-too-familiar pangs of excitement – it hurts.

When you want to spend a future with someone, you don’t want to half-ass it. While it’s a juvenile way to put the feeling into words, when you outgrow a relationship – it feels as though you’re only giving it half of yourself. Things just aren’t as bright and everything seems a bit duller. While you still love this person and cherish everything you’ve built together and everything you have been through, it also feels as though you’re doing a disservice to both them and yourself by staying around. You never want to be with someone just because you know it’s a solid thing and won’t go anywhere, even though you feel as though you may be happier somewhere else.

Outgrowing people isn’t something to feel guilty over, it’s just something that needs to be recognized as what’s really happening. Sometimes, we’ll try to make excuses for why we feel the way we do. We’re having an “off few weeks,” and things will get better. Maybe we’re stressed out because of work, school or outside forces that may be interfering with our emotional balance. But, the more we push the reality of the situation away, the more we begin to resent the relationship and ourselves. It may not even be conscious. We may know in the back of our minds this relationship is no longer for me. I no longer want to be the person who does the things we usually do, I want to expand my horizons, I want to try new things and meet new people. This is totally okay, there’s nothing wrong with that. What’s wrong is lying to yourself and the person in your life about it.

You can’t force yourself to stay with someone when you are really unhappy. I mean, you can, but in the long run, things will always be a bit of a struggle. You’ll find problems in everything they do, everything that happens and everywhere you go. You will always be stuck wondering what else is out there, or how you can slowly leave without doing anyone any harm. The truth is, the longer you lie to yourself, the more pain you will cause to everyone involved. Once you address the truth, you can truly learn to make a better life for yourself, and the person you are with can find someone else, as well.

There’s an old saying that says: “stop watering dead flowers.” If a relationship is no longer working for you, you feel it in your bones. There is no need to continue to put time and energy into something that will hinder your growth and trap someone else. It isn’t because the person has done you harm, it isn’t because the relationship is toxic or unhealthy – the relationship just doesn’t work for you anymore and you need to live that truth. Don’t deny yourself the sanity of living your own, authentic life. Don’t deny someone else the opportunity to find someone who will genuinely love and appreciate them either. Face the music.

9 Things You Should Know Before Moving In With Your Boyfriend

Sometimes in long-term relationships, there comes a point where a couple discusses taking that next step from “just dating” to “moving in together.” While it seems like a natural progression in any relationship, it’s actually a huge step to take as a couple. Sure, you may think it’s not such a big deal when the two of you spend every other night at each other’s own apartments anyway, but sleeping at someone’s apartment and actually sharing an apartment together are completely different things – trust me. While moving in may seem like an adorable and magical idea – playing “house” always makes every girl excited and happy – it’s a big f*cking deal, especially if there are things you’re unsure about or questions you don’t exactly have the answers to.

1. Make sure it’s something you both want to do.

Everyone feels as though it’s natural to move in together when you are a long term couple and you’re a certain age (in your mid-20’s/early-30’s). And, while it is a normal step to take in many relationships, you want to make sure that you and your partner are both happy and comfortable with the idea of living together. If one person is more into it and the other isn’t ready – don’t f*cking do it. You both need to be ready to take this step together because if one person isn’t ready, resentment will grow and your relationship will suffer because of it. I know a lot of couples who broke up after moving in together because they just weren’t ready or at that stage in their relationship to do so.

2. Make sure you’re doing it for the same reasons.

If you’re moving in with someone because you want to build a life with them, but they’re moving in with you because it’s financially convenient for them – it’s going to create tension. Make sure you discuss your intentions before you move in together. Make sure that you’re both on the same page and understand what living together really means. It’s not the same as just dating someone and staying over their apartment, you two are no cohabitating which means what’s yours is theirs and vice versa. You don’t want to have false expectations and hope and create conflict because you were both unclear of what you want.

3. Talk about finances, no matter how weird it may get.

When you move in with someone, your finances are now up front and important in your relationship. Most people will tell you not to discuss money with your partner unless you’re married, but, if you’re living together – everything matters in terms of money. And, it’s more than just rent. You’re going to paying for rent together, electric, cable, internet, food, furniture – everything you want to put in this apartment will be both of yours, not just yours or theirs. If your partner is financially irresponsible, that’s a big consideration you need to weigh before moving in. If you make more than your partner, that’s also something to think about. You don’t ever want to be stuck paying for 90% of the things in your apartment and your partner mooches off of your financial well-being, you’ll begin to get angry and resentful and will end up blowing up on them about it. The best thing you can do is discuss how to split things and make a schedule for things such as laundry, groceries and other necessities.

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I Have ‘High-Functioning Anxiety’ & Here’s How It Affects My Everyday Life

Most people don’t know that I have anxiety unless I tell them. I don’t seem like your “typical person with anxiety,” – or, whatever that means. Most people are shocked when I bring up my anxiety problems with them because, I don’t really struggle or function like the people in most stories, narratives or conversations typically do. But, that doesn’t mean that my anxiety problems are any less real or raw than others. Ever since I was young, I have always felt like my mind, my body and my life was on “over-drive.” I grew up in a very chaotic home and my childhood was never truly “stable.” With divorced parents, numerous financial issues, social struggles and other occurrences that most children don’t typically go through – I always felt as though I was “different.” After struggling for years, my mom thought that at 12-years-old, it’d be worth it for me to go “talk to someone” and see a therapist.

After years of therapy and seeing numerous specialists, I’ve been told by several doctors that I have what is known as “high functioning anxiety.” From an outsiders’ point of view, I’m a perfectionist, an ambitious worker, a social butterfly, a strong woman, a “happy-go-lucky” person, an organized individual. From a therapist’s point of view, I use work, conversations, risky decisions and non-stop schedules to mask my anxious thoughts.

Throughout my life, I have always been the girl from my small neighborhood that succeeded. Parents would always stop me when they’d run into me and say how “impressed” they were with how much I’ve achieved. Friends would reach out on Facebook and tell me how much they read my work and how awesome it was to know someone who writes for so many sites. My family would constantly speak about me in praise because I had pushed myself to succeed so well. If you looked at me, you’d never know that the majority of my accomplishments were parallel with an anxiety disorder I had struggled with and masked for years on end. While it may seem like anxiety typically is filled with despair, the kind of anxiety I had been told I deal with is “high-functioning,” which means, the majority of my disorder is masked with success. Along the way, I’ve learned a lot about myself, my anxiety and how to cope with it on an everyday basis.

My schedule is always packed because being busy means I have less time to think.

Ever since I was in high school, my schedule was jam-packed with things to do. I worked a few nights a week while in high school at a local pizzeria to keep busy. When I went to college, I picked up two more jobs while going to school full-time. Working or going to school 7-days per week kept me always running to do something and be somewhere that was important. It wasn’t the type of commitment where I could wake up and decide not to go. If I didn’t show up to a job, I would be fired. If I didn’t show up to school, I’d fail out. I kept myself preoccupied in order to keep myself constantly busy – which left my thoughts at bay and my anxieties at rest.

I have a lot of friends, yet I don’t see them very often.

Many people assume those with anxiety don’t have many friends or social circles because they get anxiety when it comes to making friends and keeping them. This couldn’t be further from the truth. I grew up being friends with several different circles and still maintain a lot of the friendships I had from middle school, high school and beyond. However, I don’t always see them. In fact, a lot of times, I don’t. Being someone with high-functioning anxiety, I feel if I’m not being productive, I’m wasting my time. Although seeing my friends is not unproductive, I do feel as though there are moments where they will cancel, or they’re late, and I have wasted my day or my time.

I have little “ticks” that most people think are just bad habits.

My mind is constantly on overdrive, and because of that, so are my habits. When I am sitting around watching TV or a movie in which I’m not doing a lot, my mind begins to scatter and I feel like I need to do something. My worst habit is that I pick skin or bite skin on my lip – it’s been a bad tick of mine since I was young. Everyone who knows me knows that it’s something I do – especially my family – and I’ve even had to get medication to heal the cuts that appear when I’ve been “picking” too much.

It sounds extremely gross, but it’s not something that I’m necessarily proud of (or feel comfortable sharing with the entire world, so congrats) but, it’s something that many people also go through. Some people pick at their cuticles or bite their nails, some people twirl their hair – and although it seems like just a “bad habit,” it can also be the sign of a deeper problem.

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Bumble Completely Banned This Disrespectful Guy After He Fat-Shamed A Girl On Their App

When you put yourself out there on dating websites and apps, it can be pretty terrifying. In dating and relationships, nothing hurts worse than rejection and with these kinds of apps, you’re bound to get burned at least once or twice. But, when you’re disrespected and insulted by someone on a dating app that you don’t even know – forget it, it’s embarrassing and wrong. Just ask Samantha, one Bumble user who experienced the rudest guy on Bumble altogether, Michael.

Here’s Samantha, a complete and total beauty.

And, here’s Michael, a complete and total d*ck.

According to Samantha, the two had been chatting on the app a bit back and forth and had plans to meet up but, she wasn’t 100% sure if she wanted to because they hadn’t met before. When you’re new to dating apps, they can be pretty scary seeing as it’s hard to know if you’re really talking to the actual person or someone else. One night, however, Michael sent Samantha a message that went a little something like this.

Who the f*ck does this guy think he is? Seriously? Get out of here with that crap. If you’re that shallow and that much of a disrespectful idiot, you don’t deserve to go on a date with anyone. You need counseling, therapy, and a serious wakeup call if you think speaking to anyone like this is okay. GTFO. Samantha was right in saying “how f*cking dare you,” but she shouldn’t have said “I’m sorry,” because, it gets way worse.

Michael had the balls to respond with a lengthy (and even worse) response than before.

This guy is nowhere near a 10/10 with that mentality. He may think he’s good looking, but looks only get you so far in life, buddy. No one wants to date someone with that kind of attitude, you better reconsider your stance on women and life altogether. And, Samantha knew he would never get another date after women saw this, so she posted them on social media and reported him to the app. Good for you, girl.

Apparently, Michael found out he was in the doghouse with basically the entire world because Bumble decided to ban him from the app altogether. Oh, poor Michael, no way to insult women now, huh? Good, you don’t deserve to go on dates, anyway, my dude. You don’t deserve to have an account on any dating site, either. Glad to see Bumble is taking a stance on this. The app issued a statement about the situation and Michael saying:

Who taught you how to talk like that? Do you think that the “security” of hiding behind a screen gives you permission to degrade people you don’t know? Maybe you didn’t know, but we hold people accountable for their actions. We care tremendously about our community and our users’ well being. Harassment and misogyny don’t belong on Bumble – and therefore neither do you. Small minded, sexist, shallow people aren’t welcome in a progressive society anymore, and in the end, only you will lose out. Times are changing, women are speaking up for themselves, and people are no longer going to be getting away with this sort of behavior.”

That’s the kind of response I hope to see from all dating apps/social media platforms when it comes to disrespect like this. Michael, apparently, had something to say for himself after all, too.

“Firstly it’s important I say I have messaged Samantha and explained and apologised for the messages which I do not condone and find appalling. Me and my friends were highly intoxicated and decided to take each other’s phones and write messages to matches on each other’s bumble. They were mostly funny and harmless but in this case it was extremely rude, belittling and insulting. I had no control over those messages that were sent through my account and had I seen what was written, would absolutely have stopped them from being sent.

That being said, it was an irresponsible position to put myself into and what we were doing was completely stupid and has resulted in a really sweet girl being disrespected by dumb actions. I’ve tried to imagine how she must’ve felt reading that and it’s sickening that someone should have to read something like that in the first place! Unfortunately, it’s happened and cannot be taken back. I have apologized to Sam personally and I will not be taking part in anything remotely as stupid as this again.

Looks like it’s too little, too late, Michael, no one wants to go on a date with someone as misogynistic and rude as you, anyway. Enjoy life alone with your right hand, bro!

25 Things Only True Childhood Best Friends Understand

Having a best friend from childhood is a rare gem in life. All of us grow up close to others, but some of us end up drifting away from our once “best friend.” The memories, the happiness, and the conversations drift away with them.

But, for those of us who have a best friend since childhood who is still by our side, there are a few things we all know to be true.

25. You have more stories about each other than your local library.

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Your Partner Should Always Stand Up For You, Even When You’re In The Wrong

Your Partner Should Have Your Back

There are many times throughout your life when you are going to butt heads with other people or be judged by others. It’s not always going to be your fault, but, there are occurrences that will arise in which you are on “trial” with other people in your life. People will come at you, full force, if they think you’re in the wrong. But, who can you turn to when you feel the entire world is against you?

Who are you to go to for support and a helping hand when people would rather see you broken, beat, and bent than thriving? Especially, when we’re the ones who have screwed up.

Many times in a relationship, we turn to our partner for love and suppor. Especially when we feel as though we’re being attacked. We look to our significant others for comfort, for guidance, and for above all—support. Many question, however, what the right thing to do is if your significant other needs support, but they are the ones who are in the wrong. Does being in a relationship with someone mean always standing up for them, even if they are the ones who have f*cked up?

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10 Signs You’re Way Too Good For The Person You’re Dating

Your friends tell you, your parents tell you—sh*t, even their friends say something to you about it. There comes a time in some relationships where everyone starts telling you that you’re way too good for the person you’re dating. While I’m never one to say that you should believe when people tell you things about your relationship when they’re not involved in it—there are some key moments in your life where people are doing you more good than harm. If you’re constantly fighting with yourself to decide if the person you are with is “good” for you, there may be a bigger picture problem that you’re ignoring completely.

If you’re the one who is constantly going out of your way, giving 100% when they give maybe 45%, the one reaching out, the one making plans, the one who calls/texts first – there could be a very, very big reason. You may just be too good for the person you’re currently dating.

1. The people who know you best think you deserve better.

While you may not want to believe everything other people say about your own, personal life – the people who know you best are only going to want what’s best for you. If they’re telling you that you deserve better, finding reasons for you to leave the person you’re with – there could be a very good reason for it. They want you to be happy and also want you to be treated the way in which you deserve. Maybe you need to wake up and smell the coffee of the reality of things, no matter how much you love someone, they may not be the best person for you.

2. The person you’re with is jealous, insecure or always picking fights.

If you’re the type of person who allows your significant other to have freedom and independence, but they don’t reciprocate, it’s a big red flag. Jealousy and insecurity at times can be something to manage and work on in a relationship, but if someone is unwilling to change, you can’t force them. You can’t be allowing someone to have their freedom but be forbidden to do things, say things or wear things that you want at someone else’s expense. Don’t let someone stomp all over you, who you are and what you bring to the table.

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This Tweet About A Straight Girl Hooking Up With A Lesbian Will Confirm That You’re Wasting Your Time With All These Men

Lesbians have better sex than straight girls. The screen caps in the viral tweet below exemplify the truth of the statement, though it is important to note it is actually one of scientific fact rather than opinion.

Consistently, women who sleep with women report higher levels of sexual satisfaction—regardless of age, race, geography—than do women who sleep with men. Consider these statistics: A 2014 study by the Journal of Sexual Medicine found that lesbians orgasmed 75% of the time during sex, compared with 61% for heterosexual women (the sexual orientation of men, unsurprisingly, had no effect on their orgasm rate.)

A significantly larger study of Americans conducted last year by the Kinsey Institute found the same trends, though with a more alarming disparity; Lesbians reported orgasming 86% of the time during sex, whereas that number was a low 65% for women (again, men, regardless of orientation, said they orgasmed 95% of the time.)

Is it harder for a woman to fake an orgasm when with another woman, than when with a man? Certainly. But lesbians also know what a clitoris is and how to work it—a statement that, depressingly, does not seem to always apply to their male counterparts.

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11 Times You Were Sexually Harassed And Didn’t Even Realize It

Harassment

With the recent events happening in the entertainment industry involving Harvey Weinstein, more women have found the voice and platform to come out and speak out against sexual harassment. While it has taken some time, many actresses, models and other female Hollywood stars are coming forward and speaking out against the mistreatment and sexualization of women, not only in the industry but overall as half of the global population.

Personally, I have experienced sexual harassment in more ways than one. But, throughout the years, it took me quite some time to realize just how often I was being sexually harassed, not only in my social life but also throughout my career in the workplace, as well as in school.

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7 Reasons Why I’ll Always, Unapologetically, Choose My Career Over A Man

Career

I’ve always been a hard worker throughout my entire life. Ever since I was a freshman in high school, I’ve had at least one job. Fast forward to college, I was interning in New York City three days a week, attending college full-time and waitressing at two restaurants to pay tuition and ensure I could graduate with a degree in the fields I was most passionate about. Long story short – I’ve always been a go-getter, someone who puts her work first and never, ever takes a handout. I started out interning at small, start-up companies in journalism and, worked my way up through several companies to be in a position I used to only dream about.

At the end of the day, my work and my passions will always come first. It’s one of the things I value most about myself – my work ethic. While it’s been the reason I’ve always succeeded in life, it’s also the reason I’ve had trouble in relationships. Throughout my life, every guy I’ve ever dated has had a “problem” with the amount of work I do. I never work one job, I’m always working over 40 hours a week and I usually make more money than my partner. Whatever the reason is, men have always given me sh*t for the way in which I choose to spend my time and conduct my life.

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