Your Voice Was The Soundtrack Of My Summer

“Your voice was the soundtrack of my summer. Do you know you’re unlike any other? You’ll always be my thunder, and I said, Your eyes are the brightest of all the colors. I don’t wanna ever love another” -Boys Like Girls

 

I caught his glance as the sun was setting on that mid-summer night. They started the bonfire and you came and sat right next to me and handed me a Coors. I thought you were cocky but somehow you still seemed to make me smile.

 

You convinced me to stay longer that night. We went to the parking lot and you placed your hand in mine. You held the nape of my neck and pulled me in for a soft kiss.

 

I looked into your eyes and the light of the moon reflected back. In that moment I knew you were going to be the highlight of my summer.

 

And it was a summer romance like no other. It was two months of passion and recklessness. We didn’t care what anyone had to say or how long it would last. To you and I we didn’t care what tomorrow had in store. What meant most was right now.

 

He somehow made me face all my fears while he took me on every summer adventure for those couple months. It was crazy to put all my time and my love into someone who I knew wasn’t going to make it in the fall.

Just So You Know, Losing You Left Me Emotionally Numb

Being reminded of you always brings a sudden ache in the middle of my chest.

 

Somewhere between inhaling your breaths and growing to adore your laugh, I fell head over heels, but you refused to catch me.

 

I try to let go of my memories of you, but you still haunt my dreams.

 

The pain (if that’s even the right word for it) you’ve brought into my life isn’t overwhelming or

chaotic, it’s silent and barely noticeable. It manifests as an absence of feeling more than anything else.

 

I used to feel too much; sadness, anger, frustration, joy, I felt it all. Sometimes it was just one emotion and others it was every one of them, all at once.

 

I felt so much for you that by the time it was all over, I no longer had the capacity to feel anything at all. 

 

I remembered the sound of your voice today and it took me back to the time when I was still clinging to you, too stubborn to admit that we weren’t working.

 

Your sweet voice still echoes my mind, deep but graceful.

 

I’ve always just wanted to mean something to someone. I wanted to remain important to you after we split, to know that our connection was more than just a fleeting romance.

Instead, you took everything from me, even my feelings.

A Letter To My Future Sister In Law

Dear The Woman My Brother Has Chosen To Love,

You have willingly accepted to live with my old roommate for eternity. I feel bad for you. We use to fight about who would do the dishes, and if you can get the man to clean a dish… you must be a God sent or he is truly madly in love with you.

 

Jokes aside, I am so incredibly happy you are in his life. It’s not easy to get a sister’s approval. He was my right-hand man since birth and that’s something unbreakable. I knew since day one, he was the one for you.

 

I want you to know what you have. You have a man that will love you forever. He will treat you like a queen and he will be an amazing father.

He is such a good person with such a great heart. He will never break you. He will never degrade you. He will never make you feel small. You are marrying a man of character. You are marrying a great and loving man.

 

32 Thoughts Every Girl Has During That Time of The Month

Women And Cycles …. the struggle

Periods suck.

That sentence basically sums up how we feel about our monthly visitor. For one week out of every month, mother nature has blessed us with raving bitch fits, irrational sobbing, and weird cravings. It’s like a bad sitcom on steroids.

 

After those 5 days you are back to your normal self which is the occasional freak out, mild sobbing, and well, still weird cravings. Though not every period is the same for every girl, you can be sure that some or all of this will sound all too familiar.

1. Why am I late?

2. Am I pregnant?

3. *Stands in front of mirror pushing out stomach*

4. I feel like I gained 5 pounds overnight, I must be pregnant.

5. Oh just kidding, I got my period.

6. YAY. I STARTED MY PERIOD. NOT PREGNANT!

7. Ugh, I started my period.

8. So I’m not carrying the miracle of a child, I’m just bloated AF, great.

9. Where’s the chocolate?

10. *Cramps*

11. I hate everything and everyone.

12. That waitress was giving me a dirty look.

13. *Starts to cry*

14. Why does she hate me I’m a good person?

15. *Scene from D-Day occurring in Uterus* Yes, I am enjoying this.

16. WHY COULDN’T I HAVE BEEN BORN A MAN?

17. I need Midol.

18. And vicodin.

19. And anesthesia.

20. And probably need to invest in a casket.

21. *More Cramps*

22. And… I’m dead.

23. Must. Get. Chocolate. NOW.

24. I need to watch Titanic.

25. *Starts to cry* JACK THERE WAS ROOM FOR YOU TOO.

26. *Still Crying 2 hours later* Why couldn’t they have both lived?

27. A world where Jack dies and I have to suffer from debilitating cramps is extremely flawed.

28. *Eats bagels with ranch dressing* Okay, everything is looking up. I’ve discovered culinary excellence.

29. What am I doing with my life?

30. If only I could get off this couch I would be out there accomplishing all my goals.

31. Ugh. Mother Nature is keeping me from living the life I’m meant to. Selfish b*tch she is.

32. But at least I have an excuse to finish this whole pint of Ben & Jerrys.

You Were Heaven In The Bedroom but Hell On The Heart

I was innocence. I was the smile from a stranger but to you — I was new prey. You made me feel like I was important. I see the truth now. You did everything in your power to make it seem that way.

You kept me holding on with your lies so much so that I accepted it as the truth.

You let me into your life and you gave me this hope that someday, I would be apart of it.

So I attached to the idea of who I thought you were. Meanwhile, I changed into who you wanted me to become. So much to the point where I became so unrecognizable.

I don’t blame you and I don’t blame me for what we created. We satisfied each other desires unable to realize the damage we were inflicting.

We both had an illness no one could cure: I was starving faithful and you were satisfied unstable.

We wanted to feel ecstasy and the only heaven we were ever sent to was in the bedroom…

I gave you every inch of my body. You took it. You kept taking… every piece of it.

Maybe you knew it was wrong but so did I — the problem is I never let it stop.

I kept you with my body… and you kept me with your lies.

When I wasn’t with you I was desperate for the high you gave me. So I stayed to feel a little more each and every time. When it came to the point where I begged to feel it.

When we touched it went away. The confusion. The stress. The anger. The sadness. I felt human again. I felt important.  I felt pure and so did you.

To both of us, it felt so right it didn’t make sense why it was wrong.

Yet, I wanted something more and you wanted something less.

I gave you my body at the expense of your lies but It felt like I gave you my life and you held me at knifepoint.

The truth is that we both could never be able to satisfy what either of us needed…

We could never understand each other because we weren’t meant for one another.

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My Grandparents Love Has Shown Me ‘Happily Ever After’ is Possible

We come from a time where if something was broken, we fix it. Not throw it away.” -Unknown

I believe in one beautiful marriage thanks to my grandparents.

I know in today’s society it’s hard to even keep a relationship going longer than keeping a fish alive. We have Tinder, where the meaning of falling in love has turned into a vain swipe of the finger.

Our society has given us a skewed view of love and marriage that isn’t true. Apparently, divorce is a way out, marriage is a trap, and the idea of being with one person for the rest of your life is not ideal.

I think our generation has lost the real beauty of love and marriage.

If we have this mindset all our life, that loving someone who we marry is optional, we start to believe it. And the marriage that was supposed to be “till death does us part” becomes a reflection of it.

Growing up, as I watched my grandparent’s marriage, I’ve come to believe “forever and always” might actually be true.

I’ve always aspired to have a marriage like my grandparent’s.

They just celebrated their 60th wedding anniversary… and counting.

They taught me love is real and true love is lasting.

Marry your best friend.

Friendship is key. As cliche as this sounds it is the absolute truth. From the day you say I do to 60 years later you are still able to laugh together. How rare is it to have someone who will make you smile most of your life? Laughter makes life and marriage beautiful and lasting.

Have different interests.

My grandma loves art and my grandpa loves music. Two different things can come together.

My grandpa will invite me into his office and we will listen to Frank Sinatra for hours while my grandma will show me her art she’s painted and baskets she weaved.

They don’t need to do everything together all their lives. They find simple pleasures in life that are separate from each other.

To love a good man, you need to be a good woman. And vice versa.

Who we are is a reflection of who we love. We admire their kindness, compassion, and sense of self. What we lack they have. We learn to be a better person because of them. We learn to love this individual in a way no one ever can.

Bicker, do not fight.

My grandparents have disagreed on how to make a sandwich for sixty years. Sixty years of love and happiness and, of course, petty bickering. You do not give up on love because you do not agree on something. You call each other incompetent, laugh about it, and get over it.

You do not hold a grudge or point out their flaws. You simply get over it, because any time that you spend disliking each other turns into resentment. Marriage isn’t built and cannot last on resentment.

Choose to love.

Life has a way of taking away our happiness and then giving it back to us in a fierce repeating cycle. The days when it seems most incapable to love are the ones when you need to love the most.

You get to choose every day to love this person for the imperfect person they are.

Never give up.

When all you can afford to have for dinner is potatoes and onions, it could turn into being one of your most special nights together. It’s not the quality of the dinner or the quality of the date, it’s just about quality time.

And spending that time with your best friend. Hard times will surface, but how you react to them and how you overcome them matter the most.

Forgive each other

A heart that cannot forgive is one that cannot love. Forgive them and keep forgiving them. Sixty years is a long time to not be able to forgive someone for their mistakes, their past, and their faults.

Life and love is a gift

And having a life full of love is an even more precious gift.

Times were not easy then and they do not get any easier. Falling in love, starting a family, and creating a life together is a gift and it keeps giving generation after generation.

In the End, One-Sided Love Is Not Real Love

I remember feeling uneasy as I asked him again, "What are we?" I knew what he was about to say but I've gotten good at making up lies to tell myself from facing the truth. He told me he couldn't love me in the way I needed. Still, even as he spoke the words I still didn't believe it. 

How can you pretend to love someone? How can you laugh and talk for hours and feel absolutely nothing?  Why? Why would you keep leading me on? Kissing me? Touching me? Holding me?. It all meant so much to me but to you, it meant nothing? 

So I left to feel like I had some shred of dignity. On the coldest nights, I wanted him back because a part of me still felt this shimmer of hope, that he will realize that I'm finally good enough. He didn't and he never will. 

Then in time, I found it. The way I should have been loved. By someone that wasn't him. It was easy and it was pure. I didn't feel doubt anymore. For the first time, in my life I felt good enough. He made me feel worthy. 

It wasn't a game. It was real. He wanted me for who I was. My mind, my body, and my love. It makes me sick to think that for a part of my life I wasn't valued. That I was used. That whole time, I was clinging on to a love that was so one sided. 

I wanted him so much I put my own feelings to the side. I felt like he need to be loved more than I did. I know so many girls out there are stuck. They feel a connection so deep and so passionate that they don't want to give it up. 

They forget what they deserve because in the moment it feels right.  Lust can be cruel. It can make you feel seemingly important, that's why its malice. You feel so good but that ecstasy only lasts for a moment. Then doubt sets in again. It's not you or jealousy or being "crazy". It's them.

It's every time they put you last on their list. It's every single time they get a text from a "just a friend". It's their sick need to keep taking love that was never meant for them. No one who loves you will ever make you feel like you're nothing. 

You deserve that type of love this person could never possibility give you. 

So let go. For yourself. For that one person who you will meet who will value you. 

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This Is How She Allows Her Past to Affect Her (Without Even Realizing It)

She is always running… Running from a lot of things. 

Her responsibilities, her past, honestly anything that reminds her of the hurt that cut her so deep she never really learned to heal from it.  

Instead, she learned how to keep it a secret. All of her grief, her anger, and her fears bottled up in a pint-sized holder in her heart. 

During the day, she seems confident but she's good at putting on an act. 

Because her deepest fears come out in the middle of the night when she wakes she gasps for air. 

The anxiety becomes too overwhelming and it hurts her to breathe. She feels the knot in her throat grow as her thoughts circle and wander.

Her mind is always in a constant state of chaos. She always told herself she deserved better, yet better never came.  

So she drinks to calm her nerves. She smokes to calm the anxiety. In that high, she feels peace.

For a long time she felt like no one could understand her, so she built walls far greater than they've ever been.

Her past changed her and she hates it. 

She can still see their faces; the smiles, so innocent yet so sinister. 

She can still hear the voices; the whispers and the screams. 

How could this person make her feel so small and insignificant? How could she allow herself to feel that way well after they left her life?

It's hard to heal from words that are engraved on her heart. She still looks in a mirror and she still sees it and still feels it. 

She used to be this strong girl, nothing could tear her down, now she’s walking around on eggshells to protect her heart. 

But she is more than her past. Slowly, she’s realizing it's not supposed to dictate her future like this. 

She is still living. She is still surviving. She is thriving. Every day is a step away from the past. 

It's a new beginning to shed her away from the abuse, the criticism, the pain that was constantly inflicted. Sure, it happened, it makes her cringe to think about, but maybe tomorrow it’ll feel a little bit further away. 

And the next day maybe she won’t even think about it. 

She just needs to choose herself this time, because damn does she deserves it.

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She Loves Him With Her Whole Heart, But He Makes Her Feel Worthless

Where does she turn?

Especially when the one who's suppose to be there for her, is the one hurting her.

She feels so alone.

This type of pain is different. It doesn't bleed but it scars over her heart over and over again.

It eventually hardens her heart to the point where she no longer feels anything. She then becomes numb. 

The love she has for him is so strong that she forgets what she deserves.

Eventually his words become engraved in her being.

She starts to believe every horrible lie he says of her.

She feels like her self-worth is non-existent.

She thinks eventually it will get better. That this is temporary, or this isn't who he really is.

So she forgives him and keeps forgiving him because she feels that's the only option. 

If he makes her question her worth, he's already won. 

No one. Absolutely no one should ever make her feel less than who she is.

This person has a sick need to cut her to feel a void within himself. 

It's hard to heal from this. Emotional abuse isn't talked about or even understood.

Outsiders tell her to get over it or just leave the toxic situation. 

They will never understand how trapped she feels when her mind keeps telling her no one, not even he will ever accept her.

When she does leave, she's left with emotional scars that become imprinted on her soul. 

To most, invisible but to her they're overwhelming.

I want her to know that her worth will never be the lies he's said about her. 

That the brokenness she feels isn't forever. 

It's hard to see the light, especially when she wakes up everyday with his voice telling her that she's worthless, unlovable, and you will never become anything more. 

I want to remind her of her worth.

She matters to this world and she will do great things.

You're allowed to feel broken but my dear, you deserve to feel valued. 

Your existence matters.

Healing takes time. Some days it feels impossible. 

I want her to hold on to this hope that it will get better and that who she is, is something this world needs.

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20 Reasons Why I Might Be A Little Crazy, But You Love It Anyways

You're stuck with this. Forever and always and all that bullshit. I may be a tiny bit crazy.. borderline insane but at least I keep things interesting. 

So I won't apologize for my antics but I will thank you for putting up with all of it. 

1. The singing in the shower. 

2. Annnnnd the car, 

3. And the living room, 

4. and the bedroom… 

5. yes, even on the toilet. 

6. The constant foreign accents. 

7. The random dry-humping during inappropriate times.

8. The ugly faces I make…

9. And the the ugly snapchats. 

10. The booty smacks. 

11. The endearing names I call you, like Honey Bunches of Oats.

12. The made-up words. 

13. The grocery store cart rides. 

14. The drunken nude. No need to say more.

15. The socks that never match. 

16. The car ride dance parties. 

17. The "trying to be cool" rapping. 

18. All of the sexual innuendos. 

19. Like, master debater.

12. Or cunning linguist.

But hey, I'm yours and you're mine and we're perfect for each other.

What you're favorite thing you do that makes you a tiny bit crazy?

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