Author: Amanda Rossi

There are A WHOLE ton of articles out there about a former best friend. Having a friendship that you thought would last a life time end in flames sucks and is devastating but for the most time if it ends its for a reason, and for the better for both of you. 

So Thank You Former Best friend,

For being there for me these last 6 years

For when we went our separate ways allowing me to appreciate everything I DO have.

For illuminating the harshness of how you handled it when you tore years of friendships apart in a second.

For letting me realize that you are not my whole world, I care about other people other than you and you gave me the chance to realize that and rekindle relationships I abandoned because of you.

For giving me the chance to become stronger because you left when I needed you the most.

For letting me get to know your family.

For showing your true colors and letting me realize how I can survive without it.

For doing exactly what I knew you would do when we started to crash and burn, realizing that you’ve done it to pretty much every other person who has been close to you when I never imagined you’d do it to me

For letting me prove myself back to the people who you told me that I was crazy. 

For giving me the strength I didnt know I had

Finally, Thank you for leaving. 

Unfortunately life does not last forever, for some of us we are exposed to this at a young age, for another some it seems like it keeps coming. 

The first thing that comes to mind is the last moment with our loved ones and the conversation. That seems to be the immediate. I know the loss of our family is horrific, especially when it is a grandparent, but as some of us find out early on is that the loss of a friend is shocking to say the least.

Cancer, Drunk Driving and Suicide have become the most common in the recent years. Life is something that none of us can replace, we cant replace the memories we have with these amazing people, all we can do is live our lives for them. We can make them proud, we can live because we are the lucky ones.

Loss is traumatic at any level, but it makes us stronger, it makes us question ourselves. Yes it brings a lot of grief, shock, anxiety and sadness but we have to remember that we are still here and their lives will ALWAYS be remembered. Moving on is one of the hardest things to do, and it keeps us in a constant freight of what will happen next. They made us stronger, we have our memories and no one can keep that from us. They will always be with us.  

We have to live the lives that they aren’t able to.

I just want you to know I will take care of her, that’s my promise to you. She will forever be your little girl but that little girl happens to be my strong independent woman that you raised her to be.

I couldnt be prouder of the woman that gave birth to me, and in turn to the women that gave birth to her. Auntie and My Mother are two of the strongest and inspiring women in my life and all my thanks are to you.

You sacrificed so much so that you could raise your children and have a life and that is beyond admirable. Not only did you do that but you broke boundaries and became as successful as you did. You are able to take care of your family forever as you always have.

I hope to be like you, and i thank the way that I think to you. You did what you needed and I want to let you know I will keep the tradition of taking care of our family that we have because of you.

You are my inspiration,

I Love You

Living in the suburbs doesn’t always mean that there will always be kids around.

Growing up with a tight knit group of families is something that a lot of people take for granted when you’re younger but as we get older we see how amazing it truly was.

1. You instantly have a group of people who truly care about you, seeing eachother grow up and staying in touch because you’ve created long lasting relationships.

2. You gain a huge group of people that you can consider family.

3. They are there for you, as you are for them when one family is going through a rough patch, you know that you are never alone.

4. You gain new brothers and sisters that you will always be there for you.

5. The parents become your second parents and will be there for you.

6. You gain a bond with people that you know will be in your life through the good and the bad.

7. You are never bored when you’re younger.

8. You’re childhood is documented not only by your family but by multiple families. Even if some of the pictures may be a tad embarrasing.

9. You will hardly ever spend holiday’s, birthdays, sports events alone.

10. When you’re older you have a huge support system when you have to deal with adult life and you can go to them for support even if it has been years.

11. You gain a close community of people who you can trust.

12. When you’re younger but the oldest of the group you always have someone to baby sit (which is where the basis of your income came from at that age).

13. You have memories and experiences that not alot of people get the chance to have.

Thank you to my second families, for being there for my family and thank you for watching over me like your own. 

As we have seen the famous Meredith Grey and Cristina Yang’s dance parties when life just kinda gives you the shitty deal for the day.

Here a couple reasons that if any of these happen in a day you need to just get up, put on some music and dance it out.

1. You have a fight/disagreement with a close friend/family/s.o

Fights have a way of digging deep and just putting you in a bad mood

2. There’s an accident on the freeway

which keeps you in the car for 45 extra minutes which in turn makes your day rushed

3. You have a bad day at work

It just seems like everything keeps going wrong. A customer or coworker just pushes you little too far

4. Your day doesn’t go as planned

It just feels like everything you planned on getting done that day has just kept going awry.

 5. You’re feeling down 

You can’t pinpoint it but something just feels wrong, you dont feel like yourself and something is just bothering you

Remember you can have multiple dance parties in a day and you can find any reason to have a dance party, it can make a bad day better, a good day great and unwinding can be help in itself even if there isn’t anything wrong

Having Post Traumatic Stress Disorder changes a person, not only the way they think, but also the way they act and how they love. It can be challenging, most of the time with PTSD a few other things come along such as anxiety, depression and panic which can change a lot about how a person sees the world and other people.

We are constantly waiting for the next bad thing to happen

Getting through Stress and anxiety can be a triumph in itself, for us it changes something in our brain that can’t drop the feeling that something and really anything is about to happen

We tend to push those close to us away

Most of the time this is never intentional but something in our unconscious knows how much the burden of it already is and we don’t want to burden others but that can also come out as withdrawing ourselves from people  

We love differently 

A lot of this has to do with getting to close and then losing a person close to us and not being able to trust in our capability to love as easily

We work hard to have good days to counteract the terrible days

 It becomes a constant battle to be able to learn how to manage how our lives have changed and manage the way we are able to handle it when or if we get flashbacks

We tend to get easily defensive and put up walls

Our thought process changes and in some moments, if we experience a trigger, when others may seem attacking we get into a flight or fight response. 

We may not be the same person as before but we still care about those close to us the same, have the same desires. It may just take us some time to get back to where we and we are trying everyday to be ourselves again. 

As a preteen life can have it’s challenges. We all fall into that awkward stage, whether you’re the chubby kid, the kid with glasses, or the kid that is too skinny.

We all at one stage of our lives been that kid that has been teased for something that we have no control over.

Unfortunately for us living in the generation of the internet, it has been a source of bullying for many. It has led to so many young lives lost to suicide, eating disorders, anxiety, depression and so many more. 

Yes, I was a little chubby. As a freshman in highschool I had already been teased for being a tad on the bigger side but highschool was a whole new world.

Myspace ruled over our highschool and you took advantage of social media to humilitate me on an entirely different level. Reposting my profile pictures with captions that read: “Save the Whales, and How To Make A Fire By Putting a Stick Between My Legs”. That will forever be on the internet.

I hated myself, my self-esteem had hit rock bottom and the worst part was I knew the entire school saw what you posted. Along with the pictures came the harrasment, I was the “fat kid” and you made sure that everyone saw it.

The worst part was I was too young to realize that it was you that weren’t comfortable in your own skin, I was nothing but just an outlet for your anger, but at the time it seemed like my life was over.

You pushed me to the edge where I didn’t think I would go. A 14 year old girl being tormented through the internet where our whole school could see was about the worst thing I dealt with during that time and you pushed me to my extreme.

I hated being in my skin and would do anything to not be seen as that whale that you made me believe I was. That first year was brutal and I did about anything in my power to lose that weight that I thought I needed to in order to be seen as a normal highschool girl. 

Its been a decade now and I finally can see that you didn’t terrorize me, you gave me strength. You empowered me to become better and believe in myself. Looking back, I was a devasted teenager trying to fit in but now I know that “fitting in” isn’t what we should strive for, we should strive for strength and that is exactly what you gave me.

You gave me the ability to look in the mirror and appreciate myself for what and who I am. I thought no one would ever love me, turns out you were wrong. I am stronger because of what you did, I am passionate about my life because of how you treated me, I became who I am because of who you were.

So thank you for pushing me to realize that all that matters is how I feel about myself and no one else’s opinion matters.

Everyone thinks that having a birthday close to the holidays is the worst because you get the combined gifts, especially in december, being so close to christmas it’s like you just get jumbled into one package.

Growing up it did kinda stink because if you’re like myself your birthday may fall into the time where all of your friends are gone for your birthday but honestly, it is actually the best.

1. You get to spend your birthday with your family.

2. Who doesn’t love christmas and all of the holiday spirit that comes along with it.

3. Cold(ish) weather if you’re a san diegan like myself it doesn’t really start to get cold untill this time and who doesnt love cold weather and hot cocoa.

4. Christmas Decorating, being able to spend your birthday preparing for christmas is like a gift in its own ( unless you hate decorating)

5. SO MANY SANTAS 

6. Especially when you get older, most of you’re presents are money which can prepare you for your christmas and holiday shopping.

7. You’re a sagittarius most likely and we are the best astrological sign.

8. If you can you get to see the magic of snow and the serenity of the weather.

9. You know you will be surrounded by happy people, holiday’s bring out the best in people

10. CHRISTMAS LIGHTS, enough said.

11. Cozy Clothes, Sweatpants, Beanies, Long Socks, Ugg Boots and LOTS of Blankets.

12. Holiday’s are magical and having you’re birthday close to one may seem like a bummer when you’re younger but it becomes a gift when you get older.

So embrace your december birthday and enjoy the holiday and your family becase not many people get to have them both in the same month.

All dogs are awesome, having a Pit-mix and a Chihuahua, they are quite different. When rescuing Hans (the chihuahua) I became very aware that there are some huge differences than having a big dog. 

1. You finally understand dog sweaters.

2. They get cold really easily.

3. Most of the time they are on you.

4. They can’t stand to be alone.

5. If they aren’t on you they are under the covers with you cuddled up.

6. Taking them on walks is a walk in the park compared to big dogs.

7. It takes them about a week to eat a big bone

8. You’ve put them in a bag before just for fun.

All dogs are awesome. They give unconditional love and dedicate their whole life to you.

Some people take the small dog thing a little far (come on why does your dog need a stroller) but having a small dog is a whole different experience than having big dogs all your life. 

All you need to know is your mommy and I had to go separate ways for a time.

I may not be seeing you for a while, but don’t ever believe that I don’t love and wish I was there watching you grow up into the amazing young woman you will be. 

I’m so blessed to be able to watch you grow and be so incredibly smart the first four years of you’re life. You are so vibrant and so sassy but it is always so darn cute.

Watching you go to your first day of preschool and being at birthday parties we had and photo shoots. I will miss getting our nails done and coloring with you. 

I will miss seeing you nearly every day. You always greet me with such happiness and when I’m with you all the worries in the world go away.

You always let me color the minion coloring books because you knew they were my favorite and knew my favorite color is purple.

This isn’t goodbye, it’s see you later. You will always be family to me. Just because I’m not there doesn’t mean I don’t miss and love you every second of the day.

Love,

Your Pseudo