Author: AMYY

I am sorry that I wasn’t ready for you when you were ready for me. 

You were ready to love me at my worst and best, but I wasn’t prepared to do the same. I still wanted to live my life and find out who I was before I was committed to you. 

I know it sounds selfish and immature but that’s the truth, I didn’t feel ready to be the only one for you when I had so much exploring left to do out there in the world. I thought you felt the same.

I didn’t know that you wanted more.

I couldn’t be the girl you wanted me to be because I didn’t even know what I wanted. The girl you wanted was someone who could return all the love you asked for, a girl who will be there to support you, and a girl who will turn into a woman for you. 

The girl you love now is so lucky to have a guy like you. You told me to live life with no regrets. I am trying everyday to live life with no regrets. You taught me what it is like to love unconditionally. 

I love everything unconditionally because you taught me how. I never wanted to see you unhappy. I’m glad she can make you happier than I could. 

Although everything must come to an end, our end came too soon. You are now happy with someone else who can give you the time and commitment that you always yearned for. 

When someone is ready to love me like you did I hope I will be ready to give someone my all.

This goodbye to you, pains me to say because I really wish you happiness. I am willing to say that you were the one that got away and I will forever regret it. 

If you were to ask me what do I regret most, I would have said “I never got to love you enough.” 

At the age of 18, I thought I would know what love is or at least have an idea of what love is but I was wrong. I don’t even know what love is nor have an idea about it because I don’t think I am even capable of loving someone. You know the kind of love you can never get over?

I met this boy one long summer ago and damn, I fell over mountains for him. He completely changed my idea of love. He made me feel things I couldn’t explain and every moment with him was an adventure I couldn’t wait to tell. Every breath I took, he took it away with a kiss. Never have I ever felt so in love with someone so great. Those memories are still worth remembering because that was when I loved him the most. Loved, past tense. I don’t believe I am in love with him anymore but he is always on my mind. Good and bad, he is somehow glued to my brain. Yes, you can say he was my first love and yes, I really thought I would have a future with him but deep down I knew I loved him more than he loved me. It never really crossed my mind that he would hurt me because I knew he wouldn’t. I was wrong. He shot me point blank to the chest. I can’t lie it didn’t hurt because it obviously did but what can I do. Shots been fired and I am here lying on the floor clueless of what is going on. I can’t change what happened between me and him but I hope I can eventually find myself again and learn to love myself first. Next time, I know to not put my happiness in someone else hand because there was never a good outcome. Question is, Am I in love with you or am I in love with the idea of being in love with you is that yes, I loved you and I loved every single idea of loving you but I love myself more than you. I should love myself more than I ever loved you because you were never able to love me the way I wanted. 

Sorry, it took me so long to realize that you never loved me but thank you so much for showing me that I am capable of loving someone, even if it is not you.

And that's the love I never wanna get over.